Dreams— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence stating whether you remember dreams, then give one or two specific supporting details (example of changing ambitions) using linking words. Avoid fillers and repetition.

例: I don't usually remember my dreams. However, my ambitions have changed a lot since I was twelve; at different times I imagined myself as a successful office worker or pursuing other careers, so I often think about goals rather than specific night-time dreams.

提案: Organise your answer: state whether you share dreams, then explain reasons with coherent linking words. Use clearer vocabulary (e.g., ‘ambitions’ instead of ‘dreams’ when talking about life goals) and give a specific example of a conversation.

例: I don't usually share my long-term ambitions with my parents because they expect traditional careers like doctor or police. However, I did discuss my goals with friends at university, and we often talked about career plans and possibilities, which helped me shape my ideas.

提案: Give a clear opinion and support it with a reason and an example. Use linking words (because, for example, therefore) and avoid vague repetition. Correct grammar (e.g., 'dreams have' not 'dreams has').

例: Yes, I think dreams can be meaningful because they often reflect a person's hopes and motivate them to improve their life. For example, someone who dreams of running their own business may work harder to gain skills and save money.

提案: Answer directly and coherently: state your desire, explain a specific reason and one obstacle with linking words. Avoid hesitations and unclear phrases. Use correct grammar and concise phrasing.

例: Yes, I want to make my dreams come true because I believe I can build a better life through education and work. However, I face challenges such as limited financial support, so I'm planning to save money and seek scholarships to achieve my goals.

× I literally don't remember the dreams I had because I kept changing my dreams over years like when I was like 12.

✓ I literally don't remember the dreams I had because I kept changing my dreams over the years, like when I was 12.

Missing article 'the' before 'years' and unnecessary repeated 'like'. Use 'over the years' for a period spanning multiple years; omit the second 'like' for clarity. Keep past tense 'had' and 'kept changing' consistent.

× I want to be like a successful woman, like working in the office and every time changing.

✓ I wanted to be a successful woman, working in an office, and my goals kept changing.

The student is referring to past recurring wishes, so past tense 'wanted' fits the context. Use 'a successful woman' (article) and 'working in an office' for natural phrasing. Replace 'every time changing' with 'my goals kept changing' for grammatical clarity.

× At first I don't really share because we don't know like dream is.

✓ At first I didn't really share because we didn't really know what a dream was.

Mismatch of tense: use past tense 'didn't' and 'didn't know' to describe past behavior. Also need 'what a dream was' to form a proper clause and include the article 'a'.

× And then even my parents not even asking me what is my dream.

✓ And then even my parents didn't even ask me what my dream was.

Use past tense 'didn't ask' for past events and correct word order in indirect question 'what my dream was'. Remove redundant 'even' placement and fix subject-verb agreement.

× They will say like doctor, police and stuff but it's not realistic.

✓ They would say things like 'doctor' or 'police', but those options didn't seem realistic.

Use 'would say' or 'said' for habitual past reporting and plural 'things like'. Clarify meaning and keep tense consistent by indicating these suggestions were not realistic.

× In my family and during my university we share our dreams.

✓ In my family and during university, we shared our dreams.

Use past tense 'shared' to match the past time frame. Omit 'my' before 'university' for natural English and add comma for clarity.

× We start thinking about our dreams but it's not really real.

✓ We started thinking about our dreams, but they weren't really realistic.

Use past tense 'started' and plural pronoun 'they' to refer to 'dreams'. Replace 'not really real' with 'weren't really realistic' for natural expression.

× Exactly, dreams have special meaning because when people have a dream, people want to change their life to be better.

✓ Exactly. Dreams have special meanings because when people have dreams, they want to change their lives for the better.

Ensure plural agreement: 'dreams have special meanings', 'people have dreams' and 'their lives'. Use 'for the better' as a correct idiom.

× So dreams has a lot of meaning.

✓ So dreams have a lot of meaning.

Subject 'dreams' is plural, so verb must be 'have' not 'has'.

× Depends on the person who dream and then depends.

✓ It depends on the person who dreams.

Full sentence needed with subject 'It' and verb agreement 'dreams'. Remove redundant 'and then depends' which is incomplete.

× To be honest, yes, I still want to case a better life.

✓ To be honest, yes, I still want to create a better life.

'Case' is incorrect word choice; 'create' or 'have' fits meaning. Use present tense 'want' is fine. Provide clearer verb.

× I really want to make my dream come true because I think it's possible for me.

✓ I really want to make my dream come true because I think it's possible for me.

Sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed. Keep present tense 'want' and structure as is.

× I'm still like single.

✓ I'm still single.

Remove filler 'like' which is informal and unnecessary. 'I'm still single' is clear and grammatically correct.

× I'm still erm, I'm still can't able to do it with my own we, with my own self.

✓ I still can't do it on my own.

Replace ungrammatical phrase 'can't able to do' with 'can't do' and incorrect 'with my own we' with 'on my own'. This is concise and grammatically correct.