Dreams— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make your answer direct, grammatically correct and more natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct key vocabulary (I wanted to be a YouTuber), and add one brief reason using a linking word. Keep it within 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes. When I was nine I wanted to be a YouTuber. I thought it looked fun and, because they could earn money and be creative, I wanted to try it too.

提案: Answer the question directly and clarify meaning. Use linking words (so, because) and correct phrases (be well known → be better known; what they are interested in). Keep it concise and avoid hesitation fillers.

例: Yes, I often share my goals. I want to be a police officer, so I talk with friends about it to get advice and to learn what careers interest them now.

提案: This answer is unclear and grammatically incorrect. First state your opinion clearly, then give one specific reason with a linking word. Use clear vocabulary (dreams can reflect hopes or influence choices). Avoid repetition and filler words.

例: Yes, I think some dreams have meanings because they can reflect a person’s hopes and goals. For example, dreaming about a career might show what someone really wants to do in life.

提案: Be precise about your plans and use correct collocations (study psychology and criminology; in order to become). Give one concrete step and a linking phrase. Keep it fluent without repetition.

例: Yes, definitely. I plan to study psychology and criminology at university so that I can become a skilled police officer, and I will work hard to achieve that goal.

× When I was 9 my dream was to be a YouTube because it looks very funny and they can earn money so I've wanted to be.

✓ When I was nine, my dream was to be a YouTuber because it looked very fun and they could earn money, so I wanted to be one.

This sentence has multiple structure problems: incorrect noun ('YouTube' should be 'YouTuber'), tense inconsistency ('looks' -> 'looked' to match past timeframe), incorrect pronoun/reference ('they can' -> 'they could'), and awkward phrasing ('I've wanted to be' -> 'I wanted to be one'). Suggestion: use a single past tense narrative for past dreams, use correct job noun YouTuber, and include 'one' to refer back to the role.

× I would like to be a police officer in the future.

✓ I would like to be a police officer in the future.

Sentence is grammatically correct; it uses the preposition 'in' correctly for 'in the future.' No change needed.

× Uh, I often talk to my friends because I want to be well known in my dreams.

✓ I often talk to my friends because I want to be well known for my dreams.

Original uses 'in my dreams' which implies inside dreams rather than public recognition. Change to 'for my dreams' or better 'for what I dream of' to express being known because of aspirations. Also remove filler 'Uh' and keep concise phrasing.

× Also, I'm interested in my friends future jobs because I would like to know what are they interested in now.

✓ Also, I'm interested in my friends' future jobs because I would like to know what they are interested in now.

Errors: missing possessive apostrophe in 'friends' (should be friends'), and incorrect question word order 'what are they interested in' should be declarative 'what they are interested in' in this statement. Suggestion: use correct possessive and standard word order for indirect questions.

× Yes, uh, dream dreams me the their life.

✓ Yes, dreams tell me about a person's life.

Original is ungrammatical and confusing: word order and word choice are wrong. Replace with clear subject-verb-object structure: 'dreams tell me about a person's life.' Remove filler 'uh' in formal response.

× Uh, it's uh, the job decides the their income and their working for how their future under their lives.

✓ A person's job often determines their income and affects their future life.

Problems: extraneous fillers, wrong pronoun sequence ('the their'), awkward phrasing 'their working for how their future under their lives.' Correction uses clear possessive 'a person's,' verb 'determines,' and concise phrasing 'affects their future life.' Suggest simplifying sentences and using correct pronouns.

× So it is very important.

✓ So it is very important.

This sentence is grammatically correct and appropriate as a concluding statement. No change needed.

× So I would like to measure in psychology and criminology in order to in order to be a great police officer in the future and I will do my best.

✓ So I would like to study psychology and criminology in order to become a good police officer in the future, and I will do my best.

Errors: wrong verb 'measure' should be 'study'; redundant phrase 'in order to in order to' removed; 'become' is the correct verb to indicate transitioning into a role; 'great' changed to 'good' (either is acceptable) and comma added before conjunction. Suggestion: use 'study' for academic pursuit and 'become' for achieving a role; avoid repetition.