Dreams— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid fillers. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one specific example and a brief reflection. Use linking words to connect ideas and avoid repetition (e.g., ‘often’ and ‘as soon as I wake up’ are similar).

例: I sometimes remember my dreams, but usually I forget them as soon as I wake up. For example, once I vividly dreamed that someone was chasing me through a jungle. My partner says I talk in my sleep, but I rarely recall those moments, so I can’t confirm this.

提案: Open with a clear general statement, then give a reason and one brief example. Use transition words like 'however' to contrast and avoid subjective absolutes like 'meaningless'—frame it more politely.

例: I usually tell my partner about my dreams when I wake up. However, I don’t share trivial dreams with others because they seem unimportant. Also, I’m not very interested in listening to other people’s dreams, as I find them difficult to interpret.

提案: Remove hesitations ('uh') and start with a clear stance. Explain your reasoning with a linking word like 'because' and give a concise, specific explanation. Use varied vocabulary (e.g., 'preoccupied' instead of repeating fillers).

例: No, I don’t think dreams have special meanings. I think dreams often reflect what we’ve been preoccupied with during the day because our brain continues to process those thoughts while we sleep.

提案: Begin with a direct answer, then briefly explain and give one clear example. Use a linking word such as 'for example' and keep the emotional reaction concise. Avoid awkward phrasing like 'I'd rather they won't occur'—use 'I would not want that to happen.'

例: It depends on the dream. For example, I would not want a dream about being laid off to come true—once I dreamed I was replaced by AI, and it was frightening.

× Sometimes I remember my dream, but I often forget them as soon as I wake up.

✓ Sometimes I remember my dreams, but I often forget them as soon as I wake up.

The subject refers to dreams generally, so the plural 'dreams' should match the plural object 'them'. Use consistent plurality to avoid mismatch.

× My partner claims that I talk in the sleep but I barely remember anything.

✓ My partner claims that I talk in my sleep but I barely remember anything.

The idiomatic expression is 'talk in my sleep' (possessive + sleep). 'Talk in the sleep' is incorrect. This is not a third-person singular verb error but a fixed phrase; treat as correction to form.

× Once I remember that someone was chasing me in a jungle vividly.

✓ Once I remembered that someone was chasing me in a jungle vividly.

The context refers to a past recollection, so the verb should be in the past tense 'remembered' to match 'was chasing'. Use past tense for memories of past events.

× I usually share my dreams with my partner as soon as I wake up, but if the dream is trivial, I don't share it with others and I don't enjoy listening to other people's dreams because it's meaningless and hard to interpret.

✓ I usually share my dreams with my partner as soon as I wake up, but if the dream is trivial, I don't share it with others and I don't enjoy listening to other people's dreams because they're meaningless and hard to interpret.

The pronoun 'it' refers back to the plural 'dreams' (other people's dreams), so a plural pronoun 'they' or contraction 'they're' is needed. Ensure pronoun number agrees with its antecedent.

× I don't think so. I believe that uh, if you constantly think about the topic, you uh, might have a dream about it because uh, a pre preoccupied mind carries over thoughts to process in the dream.

✓ I don't think so. I believe that, if you constantly think about a topic, you might have a dream about it because a preoccupied mind carries over thoughts to process in the dream.

Remove filler 'uh' and repetition 'pre preoccupied'. Use 'a topic' or 'the topic' consistently; 'a preoccupied mind' is the correct adjective form. 'Carries over' is acceptable in present tense here.

× Some dreams I'd rather they won't occur.

✓ Some dreams I'd rather wouldn't occur.

Using both 'I'd rather' and 'they won't' creates redundancy and incorrect structure. After 'I'd rather' use a clause like 'wouldn't occur' (subjunctive/conditional) without inserting the subject 'they' unnecessarily.