Dreams— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 回答需要更清晰的主题句与简洁的句子结构，减少犹豫语（如 uh）并用连词组织细节。可以直接说明什么时候的梦想、具体原因，并补充一两个具体细节来支持观点。注意时态和冠词用法（a dream / to be a jewelry designer）。

例: Yes. When I was a child I wanted to be a jewelry designer because I loved looking at fine jewelry and felt inspired by the craftsmanship. For example, I admired how different gemstones and settings created unique styles, and that inspired me to learn sketching and metalwork.

提案: 回答偏离问题且语句混乱。需要直接回答是否分享并给出理由和具体例子。避免无关信息（如人名或“today”与“when I was a child”冲突），使用连接词使回答连贯。

例: Yes, I often share my dreams with close friends and my girlfriend because we have a trusting relationship. For instance, last month I told her about my career goals and she gave me useful feedback and encouragement.

提案: 回答不连贯且含糊不清，要先给出明确立场，然后用一到两个清晰的理由和具体例子支持观点。避免不相关人名或碎片式句子，使用连接词如 because, for example。

例: Yes, I believe dreams can have special meanings because they often reflect our emotions and desires. For example, dreaming about starting a new job might encourage someone to take real steps toward a career change.

提案: 回答表达有动力，但句子结构和词汇使用有误（earned dreams respect or power 不自然）。应直接回答并给出具体方式或计划说明如何实现梦想，使用连词使逻辑清楚。

例: Yes, I definitely want to make my dreams come true because they motivate me to improve. For example, to become a jewelry designer I plan to study design, practice sketching weekly, and take internships at local workshops.

× I have a dream is, uh, jewelry designer when I was a child because I really like appreciate the different, uh, high jewelry, which makes me feel refreshed and.

✓ My dream was to be a jewelry designer when I was a child because I really appreciated high-end jewelry — it made me feel refreshed.

句子结构混乱且时态不一致。原句“I have a dream is…when I was a child”将现在时和过去时间短语混用，应表达“过去的梦想”，因此用过去式“was to be”。“like appreciate”是重复误用，应选用一个动词，如“appreciated”表示欣赏。短语“high jewelry”不自然，改为“high-end jewelry”。建议将句子分为主干和原因从句，确保时态一致。

× Stephanie, today I showed my drinks with my girlfriend when I was a child because I think, uh, we have a good relationship and uh, I enjoy sharing with others.

✓ When I was a child, I shared my dreams with my girlfriend because we had a good relationship and I enjoyed sharing with others.

原句代词和时间状语位置混乱，且“showed my drinks”显然用词错误（drinks→dreams）。将时间状语置于句首能更清楚表达“小时候”。动词时态应与时间一致，表示过去用“shared”“had”“enjoyed”。建议检查代词和名词的正确拼写并使时间短语与动词时态一致。

× Sure, I think Jane tells I shall move. For example, a dream is a power and the encouragement to play and thus make programs. I think the change is a.

✓ Sure. I think dreams tell me I should change my life. For example, a dream can give me power and encouragement to take action and make plans. I think change is important.

原句多处结构不完整且词不达意。“Jane tells I shall move”语法和意义均有问题，推测意为“梦告诉我我应该改变”。将模糊短语改为“dreams tell me I should change my life”。“play and thus make programs”不通顺，推为“take action and make plans”。最后一句不完整，补全为“change is important”。建议理清每句主谓宾并用简单明确的短语表达观点。

× Really want to make my dreams come true because I earned dreams respect or power and it always inspired me to make progress and keep learning. Any other I think it's a sense of.

✓ I really want to make my dreams come true because my dreams gave me respect and power, and they always inspired me to make progress and keep learning. I also think they give me a sense of purpose.

原句缺主语且时态不一致，开头应加主语“I”。“earned dreams respect or power”表达错误，应为“my dreams gave me respect and power”或“earned me respect and power”。“it always inspired me”主语单复数不一致，改为“they always inspired me”。最后一句残缺，应补全为“a sense of purpose”。建议使用完整句子并确保主语与谓语在人称和数上保持一致，注意现在/过去时的匹配。