Cakes— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Irrelevant answer. Stay on topic and answer directly. Give a short topic sentence stating whether you like cakes, then add one or two brief specifics (favorite types, how often you eat them) using simple linking words. Keep to under five sentences.

例: Yes, I enjoy eating cakes, especially chocolate and sponge cakes. I usually have them on special occasions like birthdays or holidays, and I prefer desserts that are not too sweet. For example, I often choose dark chocolate cake because it balances sweetness with a bit of bitterness.

提案: Answer the examiner's question about traditional Chinese cakes directly. Mention one or two examples (names, occasions) and use linking words like "for example" or "also". Keep it concise and relevant.

例: Yes, there are traditional Chinese cakes. For example, mooncakes are eaten during the Mid-Autumn Festival, and rice cakes (nian gao) are common at New Year celebrations. These cakes often have symbolic meanings related to family and good fortune.

提案: The answer is off-topic and unclear. Directly say whether you can bake, then give brief supporting details about what you can make, how often you bake, or what you find difficult. Use linking words like "but" or "however" to contrast abilities.

例: Yes, I can bake simple cakes at home, such as vanilla sponge and banana bread. However, I am not confident with complicated decorations, so I usually make plain cakes for family gatherings. I am learning to follow online recipes to improve.

提案: Answer the childhood question directly. Say yes or no, then give specific memories or examples (favorite cake, occasions) with one linking word such as "when" or "because". Keep it short and focused.

例: Yes, I loved cakes as a child, especially sponge cake with cream. I remember having a slice at every birthday party, and my mother would always make a small cake for me at home. Those memories made cakes feel special and comforting.

提案: Stay on topic: state whether you like desserts after meals and give a brief reason or example. Use linking words like "because" or "so". Mention specific desserts and frequency to make the answer concrete.

例: Yes, I usually enjoy a small dessert after dinner because it helps me relax. I often choose fruit or a light pudding rather than heavy cakes, and I have desserts about three times a week, usually on weekends.

× For me, when it comes to getting married, the first thing that should matter is your love for each other.

✓ For me, when it comes to getting married, the first thing that should matter is our love for each other.

The student shifts from first person perspective ('For me') to second person 'your', causing inconsistency. Use 'our' to keep the statement referring to both partners and to match 'I will marry her' later. Suggestion: maintain consistent pronouns within a sentence or passage (e.g., I/we/our).

× So regardless of our religious differences, for as long as we love each other, I will marry her.

✓ So regardless of our religious differences, as long as we love each other, I will marry her.

Phrase 'for as long as' is wordy but acceptable; main issue is pronoun 'her' after 'our' and 'we'—it is coherent if speaker refers to a female partner. Suggestion: keep consistent subject references; 'as long as we love each other' is more natural.

× I will marry her in any Church of her choice.

✓ I will marry her in any church of her choice.

'Church' here is a common noun and should not be capitalized or preceded by 'the' when speaking of any church; use lowercase 'church'. Suggestion: use lowercase for common nouns and include 'a' only when specifying one among many: 'in any church of her choice'.

× And you should always be reminded by saying that true love confers everything.

✓ And you should always remember that true love conquers everything.

'Be reminded by saying' is awkward and ungrammatical; also 'confers' (gives, bestows) is incorrect verb choice — the common phrase is 'conquers everything'. Suggestion: use active constructions and idiomatic verbs: 'remember that true love conquers everything.'

× Well, I think that the United States and the Philippines has has always had a good relationship with each other.

✓ Well, I think that the United States and the Philippines have always had a good relationship with each other.

Compound subject 'the United States and the Philippines' is plural, so the verb should be 'have' not 'has'. Also duplicate 'has' must be removed. Suggestion: ensure verb agrees with plural subjects and avoid duplicated words.

× We were colonized by the Americans in the view we have their culture, in our traditions, even up to the state.

✓ We were colonized by the Americans, and as a result we have some of their culture in our traditions, even in government.

Original sentence has awkward phrasing 'in the view' and unclear 'up to the state'. Use 'as a result' to connect clauses and 'government' for 'state' to be clearer. Keep past tense 'were colonized' and present 'have' correct. Suggestion: use clear connectors and precise nouns.

× And I think that we are very welcoming with the Americas and I don't see any problem with that at all.

✓ And I think that we are very welcoming toward Americans, and I don't see any problem with that at all.

Use 'toward' (or 'towards') and refer to people 'Americans' rather than 'the Americas' (which refers to continents). Suggestion: choose correct preposition and noun form for people vs places.

× For me, being this universe is not just about knowing how to speak a specific language, it's being able to influence and inspire other people.

✓ For me, being Miss Universe is not just about knowing how to speak a specific language; it's about being able to influence and inspire other people.

'This universe' is incorrect; likely 'Miss Universe' intended. Also need parallel structure: 'not just about X; it's about Y.' Suggestion: use correct title and maintain parallelism with 'about'.

× So whatever language that you have for as well as your heart is preserved and you have a strong mind to show to people, then you can use universe.

✓ So whatever language you have, and as long as your heart is true and you have a strong mind to show people, you can be Miss Universe.

Original has many pronoun and structure issues: 'that you have for as well as' is ungrammatical; 'use universe' is incorrect—should be 'be Miss Universe' or 'use the Miss Universe platform.' Suggestion: simplify clause structure, use 'as long as' for conditions, and use correct noun phrases.

× To be a Miss Universe is both an honor and responsibility.

✓ To be Miss Universe is both an honor and a responsibility.

Include article 'a' before 'responsibility' and remove unnecessary 'a' before title 'Miss Universe' (title typically without 'a'). Suggestion: use 'Miss Universe' as a title and include article before countable noun 'responsibility'.

× If I were to become a Miss Universe, I would influence I I'll use my voice to influence the youth and I would raise awareness to certain process like HIV awareness that is timely and relevant to my country which is the Philippines.

✓ If I were to become Miss Universe, I would use my voice to influence the youth and raise awareness about issues such as HIV, which are timely and relevant to my country, the Philippines.

Remove repeated fragments 'I would influence I I'll'; simplify verbs and use 'about' rather than 'to' with 'raise awareness'. Also 'Miss Universe' as title without 'a'. Suggestion: avoid repetition, use correct prepositions with 'raise awareness', and ensure relative clauses are clear.

× I want to show the world the universe rather that I am confident and beautiful.

✓ I want to show the world that I am confident and beautiful.

'the universe' is incorrect; likely typo. Use 'that' to introduce content clause. Suggestion: remove wrong noun and use 'that' to connect the clause.

× I work a lot in the sense of Bengal, Manila and the life there is who are in very sad.

✓ I work a lot in places like Bengal and Manila, and life there can be very sad for some people.

Original has tense and syntax errors: 'in the sense of' is incorrect, 'the life there is who are in very sad' is ungrammatical. Use present simple 'work' and 'can be' to express general truth. Suggestion: use clearer location phrases and proper clause structure to describe conditions.

× And I've always taught myself to look for the beauty in it, to look for the beauty in the face of the children and to be grateful.

✓ And I've always taught myself to look for the beauty in it, to look for the beauty in children's faces, and to be grateful.

'in the face of the children' is wordy; use plural possessive 'children's faces'. Suggestion: prefer concise possessive forms for natural English.

× And as a spokesperson, I will be able to reach my goal and be able to influence a lot of people in my country and in the world.

✓ And as a spokesperson, I will be able to reach my goals and influence many people in my country and around the world.

Use plural 'goals' if more than one intended or keep singular consistently; 'a lot of people' is informal—'many people' is better; 'in the world' -> 'around the world'. Suggestion: prefer 'many' and 'around the world' for natural collocation.