Cakes— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence stating whether you like sweets, then give one or two brief, specific reasons using linking words. Correct grammar (tenses, articles) and avoid repetition.

例: Yes, I love sweet foods. For example, when I feel sad, eating cake cheers me up and helps me focus on something else, such as watching a movie or cooking. Therefore, sweets are a comfort for me.

提案: Answer directly and confidently. If unsure, say so briefly then give a plausible example. Use correct grammar and provide a specific example of a traditional cake (name or description) with one linking word.

例: I'm not an expert, but I think there are traditional Chinese cakes. For instance, mooncakes are popular during the Mid-Autumn Festival; they are dense and often filled with red bean paste or lotus seed paste.

提案: Use past tense consistently when talking about past events, and keep sentences shorter. Start with a clear statement, then give specific details (when, what you made, how often) and one linking word to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I learned to bake during primary school when COVID-19 forced classes online. After my swim lessons, I often tried new dessert recipes, so I practised making simple cakes like sponge cakes and chocolate brownies.

提案: Clarify and correct vocabulary (e.g. 'treat' not 'price', 'special occasions' not 'vegetables'). Start with a direct answer, then give two or three specific occasions. Use past tense consistently.

例: Yes, I treated cake as a special reward when I was a child. For example, I only had cake on special occasions like my birthday, Children's Day, or when I did well at school or in sports.

提案: Be concise and natural: state preference, then give one clear reason and an example. Correct grammar (articles, verb forms) and avoid filler words like 'umm' and informal exclamations.

例: Yes, I usually enjoy dessert after a meal because it makes the meal feel complete. For instance, having a small piece of cake after dinner makes me feel satisfied and like I've had a special treat.

× Yes, when I was primary 6, the COVID-19 have spread in the whole world and I can just study at home and after my swim lesson, I will try to make something and it's always dessert because I love eating sweet food and so I have learned how to make the cake at that time.

✓ Yes, when I was in primary 6, COVID-19 had spread throughout the world, so I could only study at home, and after my swim lessons I would try to make something, usually a dessert, because I love sweet food, and that is when I learned how to make cake.

The original sentence mixes tenses and uses passive-like phrasing incorrectly ('have spread' with past-time reference). Use past perfect 'had spread' to show the pandemic occurred before the period referred to; use 'could only' for ability in the past; use plural 'lessons' for routine; reorder clauses for clarity and correct verb forms. Also remove 'the' before COVID-19 and use 'throughout' for 'in the whole world'.

× I'm not sure because I not really eaten often but maybe Chinese traditional cakes maybe? Like have just pure cake and with no cream, no fruits, nothing, just a piece of cake.

✓ I'm not sure because I didn't really eat them often, but maybe traditional Chinese cakes are like plain cakes with no cream, no fruit, nothing—just a piece of cake.

Use past simple 'didn't eat' for negative past habit rather than 'not really eaten'. Use object 'them' to refer to cakes (pronoun). Use 'are like' for general description in present. Plural 'fruit' can be uncountable or use 'fruits' only when specifying types; 'no fruit' is more natural. Remove redundant 'maybe'.

× Definitely, especially when I am unhappy when I eat the cakes and sweet foods, it will reduce my emotions on my sadness and I will start to do something to distract my unhappy when I eat sweet foods.

✓ Definitely, especially when I'm unhappy, eating cakes and sweet foods reduces my sadness and I start to do something to distract myself.

Use plural/general nouns without 'the' for habits: 'eating cakes and sweet foods' is fine. 'It will reduce my emotions on my sadness' is awkward and ungrammatical; use 'reduces my sadness'. Use reflexive pronoun 'myself' after 'distract'. Also avoid repeating 'when I eat sweet foods'.

× Yet I saw it as a price because when I was a little I could only got a cake in a really special vegetables.

✓ I saw it as a prize because when I was little I could only get a cake on really special occasions.

Correct 'price' to 'prize'. Use 'was little' not 'was a little'. Use past ability 'could only get' (not 'got'). 'Vegetables' is incorrect; the intended word is 'occasions'. Pronoun and article misuse fixed.

× Maybe like birthday or parents day or maybe children day or maybe when I got a good result in my academic performance or some physical sport performance.

✓ Maybe birthdays, Parents' Day, Children's Day, or when I got good results in my academics or in sporting events.

Use plural nouns for recurring events ('birthdays'). Use possessive 'Parents' Day' and 'Children's Day'. Use 'got good results' rather than 'a good result' for natural phrasing. 'Physical sport performance' is awkward; replace with 'sporting events' or 'sports performances'.

× Yes, for me I think it's means for the end of my meals and I would think my meals is already and with perfect when I got a dessert.

✓ Yes, for me I think it means the end of my meal, and I feel my meal is complete and perfect when I have a dessert.

Remove extra 'it's' and use 'means' with singular 'meal' for general statement. Use 'I feel' instead of 'I would think' for habitual present. Use 'is complete' rather than 'is already and with perfect'. Use present tense 'have' for habitual action.

× Otherwise I would feel umm just a really normal meal and if I have a dessert I would feel Oh my God it's a good day.

✓ Otherwise I would feel it was just a normal meal, and if I have a dessert I feel, 'Oh my God, it's a good day.'

Improve sentence structure: use 'feel it was' to describe the meal; keep tense consistent ('have' and 'feel' for habitual present). Add commas for the exclamation and present-tense reaction 'I feel'. Quotation marks shown here conceptually; in speech the exclamation should be set off appropriately.