Sharing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer more concise, correct grammar, avoid repetition and hesitations, and give a clear reason or brief example. Use one topic sentence and one supporting detail. Replace fillers (umm) and correct plural/possessive forms.

例: Yes. My parents taught me to share from a young age because they believed in helping people in need. For example, I was encouraged to donate toys and food to poorer families in our neighborhood, which taught me empathy and responsibility.

提案: Open with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, and provide one specific, concise example with correct grammar. Use linking words such as "for example" appropriately and avoid redundant phrases.

例: I usually share practical items such as books and stationery. For example, today I lent my textbooks to a girl who couldn’t afford them, so she can study for her exams.

提案: Start directly with a clear statement, correct grammar and avoid hesitations. Give one or two concrete examples of sentimental items and briefly explain why they are unsuitable to share.

例: I think personal items with sentimental value are not suitable for sharing. For instance, I would not share my childhood photo album or gifts from my parents because they have emotional meaning and could be damaged or lost.

提案: Be concise and use correct verb forms. State what you shared recently and why, using linking words to connect idea and purpose. Avoid repeating phrases and fillers.

例: Recently I lent several notebooks and pencils to a classmate who missed class. By sharing my study materials, I helped them catch up and better understand the lessons.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence naming the person, correct minor grammar errors, and include a brief reason or short example. Remove repeated words and unnecessary fillers.

例: I would share good news with my sisters first because they are very close to me. For example, when I passed an important exam, I called my sister immediately to celebrate with her.

提案: Clarify your meaning and avoid contradictions. Start with a clear statement about how often you share news, then give specific types you share. Remove hesitations and fix grammar (e.g., "I prefer sharing news about politics or the economy").

例: I usually don’t share personal news with friends, but I do discuss public topics with them. For instance, I often talk to friends about current political developments or economic news and exchange opinions.

× Honestly yes we and my parents are really friendly and teach me to to share everything with the others especially and especially for poor children's or people who need money and need umm food and need anything.

✓ Honestly yes, my parents and I are really friendly and taught me to share everything with others, especially with poor children or people who need money, food, or anything else.

Pronoun order and form were incorrect ('we and my parents' should be 'my parents and I'); tense mismatch ('teach' should be past 'taught' because referring to childhood) and possessive/apostrophe error ('children's' incorrect). Redundant words removed. Suggestion: use correct subject pronoun order and past tense when describing past events, and use plural noun 'children' not possessive.

× So I find this really char.

✓ So I find this really charming.

The fragment 'char' is likely a truncated adjective; to be grammatical, use a complete adjective such as 'charming.' Maintain present simple 'find' for a general feeling.

× Actually, there's not a specific item that I really love to share.

✓ Actually, there isn't a specific item that I really love to share.

Informal contraction 'there's' is singular and can be used with 'not a specific item', but standard negative form is 'there isn't'. Use 'isn't' to match singular 'a specific item.' Suggest using full form 'there is not' or 'there isn't' for clarity.

× I love to share many things and like for example, today I lend my books to a poor girl because she doesn't have the enough money to buy to buy others to buy books.

✓ I love to share many things. For example, today I lent my books to a poor girl because she didn't have enough money to buy books.

Tense inconsistency: 'today I lend' should be past 'lent' when referring to a completed action. 'Doesn't have the enough money' incorrect article placement—use 'enough money' without 'the'. Repeated phrases removed. Suggest using simple past for completed actions and correct word order for 'enough.'

× Honestly, I don't have any idea. But for me I cannot borrow, I cannot share things that have intimate sentimental values.

✓ Honestly, I don't have any idea. But for me, I cannot share things that have intimate sentimental value.

Redundant 'borrow' is incorrect in context; speaker meant 'cannot share' rather than 'cannot borrow'. 'Values' should be singular 'value' or 'values' but 'sentimental value' is the common collocation. Suggest removing unnecessary verbs and use correct noun phrase.

× Like these things are really, umm are really important for me, a really significant. I cannot like leave them. I cannot.

✓ These things are really important to me and very significant. I cannot leave them behind.

Awkward repetition and incorrect phrase 'a really significant'. Use 'important to me' and 'very significant.' 'Leave them' needs an object like 'behind' to be idiomatic. Suggest simplifying and completing the clauses.

× I like sharing my studying stuff like pencils, books, many other things because I think they are really beneficial for me and for the others.

✓ I like sharing my study materials, like pencils, books, and other things, because I think they are beneficial to me and to others.

'Studying stuff' is informal; use 'study materials.' 'Many other things' better as 'other things.' Preposition 'for the others' should be 'to others.' Suggest using more appropriate nouns and prepositions.

× So I like to share them with them to uh, so that I can improve their knowledge or I can help them with their studying.

✓ So I like to share them so that I can help improve their knowledge or help them with their studies.

Redundant 'with them to uh, so that' removed. Use 'help them with their studies' rather than 'their studying.' Maintain present simple habit 'I like to share' and purpose clause 'so that I can.' Suggest tightening sentences and using 'studies.'

× Personally I'd like to share with my parents, specially with my sisters.

✓ Personally I'd like to share with my parents, especially with my sisters.

Spelling error: 'specially' should be 'especially' when indicating particular emphasis. No third person singular error here; corrected word choice.

× They are the closest people for me so every every good news or every bad ones I directly go and tell them immediately such as like the the happy events or others.

✓ They are the closest people to me, so I tell them about every piece of good news or bad news immediately, such as happy events.

Preposition should be 'closest people to me.' Repetition 'every every' and 'the the' removed. 'Every bad ones' mixes singular 'every' with plural 'ones'—use 'every piece of good news or bad news' or 'any bad news.' 'Directly go and tell them immediately' is redundant; use 'tell them immediately.' Suggest clearer quantifier use and remove redundancy.

× Honestly, I'm a very close person. I don't like sharing, uh, news with my friends or other people, but if I when I do, I prefer telling them the, the news, uh, that about the politics, our economy or some other things. Avoiding my, my news personally, my personal.

✓ Honestly, I'm a very private person. I don't like sharing personal news with my friends or others, but when I do, I prefer to tell them about politics, our economy, or other similar topics. I avoid sharing my personal news.

'A very close person' is unclear; 'private person' fits the meaning. Remove filler words and repetitions. 'The news that about the politics' corrected to 'about politics.' Final fragment rewritten as 'I avoid sharing my personal news.' Suggest using 'private' and rephrase for clarity.