Sharing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, and use linking words to explain why sharing mattered. Correct pronouns and some word choices (e.g., "No matter who you're sharing with").

例: Yes. My parents taught me to share from a young age because they believed sharing builds trust and empathy. For example, they encouraged me to tell siblings about my feelings so we could solve problems together, which helped me feel supported.

提案: Open with a direct topic sentence and use clearer linking words. Avoid awkward phrases like "favorable hobbies" and "have a comfort." Be specific about what you share and why it benefits conversation.

例: I usually share my hobbies, such as basketball, video games, and books, because they provide easy topics for conversation. For instance, talking about last night's NBA game often leads to friendly debates and keeps the discussion lively.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and avoid filler words. Use specific reasons and linking words (e.g., "because") to explain why some things are private. Improve pronoun accuracy and sentence structure.

例: I think very personal life experiences are not suitable to share with people you don't know well because they may misunderstand you or judge you unfairly. For example, I wouldn't discuss family conflicts with a new coworker.

提案: Respond directly and use past or present tense consistently. Avoid repeating words like "yeah" and correct grammar (e.g., "let others know"). Add a brief outcome to show result of sharing.

例: Yes. I recently told my friends I performed poorly on an exam because I wanted emotional support and advice. As a result, they helped me plan a study schedule, which reduced my stress.

提案: Give a concise topic sentence and avoid vague expressions like "kind of straight." Explain clearly why you prefer friends, using linking words and correct verb agreement ("parents are").

例: I usually tell my best friends first because they react warmly and understand my feelings. My parents are more practical, so sharing with friends helps me celebrate without feeling judged.

提案: Start with a direct statement and remove hesitations. Use specific vocabulary (e.g., "trades" not "tradings") and link reasons for sharing sports news. Mention an example to be more concrete.

例: We mainly share sports news, especially basketball, because we're all NBA fans. For example, we discuss player trades, game results, and predictions for upcoming matches.

× Yeah, my parents did tell me that and they told me that it is important to share with you.

✓ Yeah, my parents did tell me that and they told me that it was important to share with others.

The context is about childhood (past), so the clause 'it is important' should shift to past tense 'it was important' to maintain consistent past narration. Also 'with you' is inappropriate when speaking generally; use 'with others'. Suggestion: keep tense consistent and use 'others' for general statements.

× No better who you're sharing with.

✓ It doesn't matter who you're sharing with.

The original is ungrammatical and lacks necessary auxiliary and structure. Use the fixed expression 'It doesn't matter who...' to convey meaning. Suggestion: use complete clauses with subject and auxiliary verbs.

× No matter if you are depressed or if you are excited or elated, you still have to share your thoughts inside your mind or heart.

✓ No matter if you were depressed or excited or elated, you still had to share the thoughts in your mind or heart.

The student is describing childhood teaching (past), so present tense verbs should be shifted to past tense to match context. Also 'share your thoughts inside your mind or heart' is wordy; 'the thoughts in your mind or heart' is clearer. Suggestion: keep tense consistent and simplify phrasing.

× Well, usually I like to share my hobbies like playing basketball and playing video games or even reading books because I think I can share my favorable hobbies with the other people so that we can open different topics and have a comfort and have a conversation.

✓ Well, usually I like sharing my hobbies, like playing basketball, playing video games, or reading books, because I think I can share my favorite hobbies with other people so that we can start different topics and feel comfortable having a conversation.

Use gerund 'sharing' after 'like' for natural phrasing and remove repeated 'playing'. 'Favorable' is incorrect collocation; use 'favorite'. 'The other people' should be 'other people'. 'Open different topics' is unnatural; use 'start different topics'. 'Have a comfort and have a conversation' is incorrect; use 'feel comfortable having a conversation'. Suggestions: use gerunds, correct collocations, and natural expressions.

× I don't think it's suitable to share many personal, umm, life experience with others, especially when you're not too familiar with him or you're just or you're not well known with him.

✓ I don't think it's suitable to share many personal life experiences with others, especially when you're not too familiar with them or they don't know you well.

'Life experience' should be plural 'life experiences'. Pronouns are inconsistent: 'him' is used incorrectly for a general person; use 'them' for a general person or plural. 'Not well known with him' is ungrammatical; use 'they don't know you well' or 'you are not well known to them'. Suggestion: use plural nouns for generalization and consistent, appropriate pronouns.

× Yeah, I did have something to share with my friends because I think I did not do well in my exams.

✓ Yeah, I did have something to share with my friends because I thought I had not done well in my exams.

The event is in the past; 'I think' should be shifted to past 'I thought' and 'did not do well' to past perfect 'had not done well' to show earlier action relative to the sharing. Suggestion: use past/past perfect to clarify sequence of past events.

× I really want to share my sadness and depression to my friend in order to relieve my stress and yeah, to let to let other knows my situation so that they can try to help me to change.

✓ I really wanted to share my sadness and depression with my friends in order to relieve my stress and to let others know my situation so that they could try to help me change.

Use 'share ... with' not 'share ... to'. 'Friend' should be plural 'friends' if speaking generally. 'Let other knows' is incorrect: use 'let others know'. Use past tense for past context. 'Help me to change' is awkward; 'help me change' is natural. Suggestion: use correct prepositions, pluralize when appropriate, and correct verb forms.

× Well, usually my best friends, I like to talk more with my friends instead of my parents because I think my parents is kind of straight and they the response after they listen to me is not is not improving my emotions and thoughts.

✓ Well, usually my best friends; I like to talk more with my friends instead of my parents because I think my parents are kind of strict and their responses after they listen to me do not improve my emotions and thoughts.

'My parents' is plural, so use 'are' not 'is'. 'Straight' is incorrect word choice; 'strict' fits. 'They the response' is ungrammatical; use 'their responses'. Use plural verb 'do not improve' to agree with plural noun 'responses'. Suggestion: ensure subject-verb agreement and choose correct vocabulary.

× Well, usually we will share news about sports such as basketball because we all very we all watch NBA and we also very care about the different tradings or the results of the games.

✓ Well, usually we share news about sports such as basketball because we all watch the NBA and we also care a lot about different trades or the results of the games.

Remove redundant 'we all very we all'; use 'watch the NBA'. 'Very care' is incorrect; use 'care a lot' or 'care about'. 'Tradings' is not natural; use 'trades'. Also shift 'will share' to simple present 'share' for habitual action. Suggestion: remove redundancy, use natural adverb phrases, and correct noun forms.

× So we usually chat about different sports.

✓ So we usually chat about different sports.

This sentence is grammatically fine; no change needed. It correctly uses present simple for habitual action. Suggestion: none.