Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Use proper tense and possessive forms (e.g., “my big brother bought it for me”). Avoid filler words like “kind of” and repetitions such as “all over, all over.”

例: Yes — I had my first bike when I was about six or seven. My big brother bought it for me, and I was thrilled; I remember riding around the neighborhood every afternoon until dusk.

提案: Answer directly and avoid uncertain fillers like “I don't know” unless genuinely unsure. Give a general opinion with specific supporting detail and a linking word (e.g., “however” or “for example”). Correct pronouns and tense (e.g., “every kid had a bike”). Keep to two or three sentences.

例: Yes, bikes are quite popular in my country. For example, when I was a child almost every kid in my neighborhood had a bike, and I remember being upset when I didn’t get one right away.

× Yes, I did have a bike when I was a child and I was, but that was my first.

✓ Yes, I did have a bike when I was a child, and it was my first.

The sentence has awkward and redundant phrasing: 'and I was, but that was my first' mixes fragments and unnecessary repetition. Use simple past consistently: 'did have' is fine, but follow with a clear subject 'it' and noun 'my first' to indicate 'my first bike'. Also remove the unnecessary 'and I was'. Suggestion: Keep past tense verbs consistent and avoid fragmented clauses.

× My first bike was about by my brother, but my Big Brother, he bought me that when I was six or seven years old maybe.

✓ My first bike was bought by my big brother when I was maybe six or seven years old.

'was about by' is incorrect; the correct passive construction is 'was bought by'. 'Big Brother' is a common noun here and should be lowercase 'big brother'. Also place time expressions at the end: 'when I was maybe six or seven years old'. Suggestion: Use correct passive verb forms and normal noun capitalization for family members when not used as names.

× Kind of like I was so excited about my bike and I was riding all over, all over the place.

✓ I was so excited about my bike and rode it all over the place.

The sentence uses 'Kind of like' (colloquial filler) and mixes 'was riding' continuous past which is acceptable but wordy. Better to use simple past 'rode' for completed actions. Remove filler 'Kind of like' for clarity. Suggestion: Prefer concise past-tense verbs to describe past habitual actions; remove unnecessary fillers.

× Be honest, I don't know.

✓ To be honest, I don't know.

The phrase 'Be honest' is an imperative and unnatural here; the correct idiom is 'To be honest' when admitting uncertainty. Use 'To be honest' plus present tense 'I don't know'. Suggestion: Use common discourse markers correctly: 'To be honest' for admitting uncertainty.

× But I do know when I was a child that was so popular in our neighborhood.

✓ But I do know that when I was a child, bikes were very popular in our neighborhood.

The original sentence misses the subject 'bikes' and has awkward word order. Use plural 'bikes' and past tense 'were' to match 'when I was a child'. Suggestion: Ensure sentences include clear subjects and that tense and number agree.

× Every kid has had their bikes when I was a child and I don't have one then I just cried in my Big Brother and she kind of like, I don't know why, just maybe.

✓ Every kid had their bike when I was a child, and when I didn't have one I cried to my big brother; she didn't know why either.

Multiple problems: 'has had' is present perfect and mismatches the past time marker 'when I was a child'—use simple past 'had'. 'Their bikes' should be 'their bike' (each kid one bike). 'I don't have one then' should be past 'I didn't have one then'. 'Cried in my Big Brother' is incorrect preposition and capitalization; use 'cried to my big brother'. Pronoun gender/context 'she' may be acceptable if sister, but keep consistency. The phrase 'she kind of like, I don't know why' is informal and unclear; clarify as 'she didn't know why either.' Suggestion: Match tense consistently, use singular when referring to 'each' (their bike), correct prepositions ('to' someone), and avoid filler phrases.