Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise, accurate and fluent. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct vocabulary (bike, not Baker), and reduce hesitations. Include one or two brief supporting details linked logically (use words like because, so, and then). Keep it under five sentences.

例: No, I didn't have a bike when I was a child because my parents couldn't afford one. As a result, I usually walked to school, which took about twenty minutes each way.

提案: Clarify ideas and use accurate collocations. Give one clear reason then a brief example. Replace vague phrases ("convenient to visit", "used to eat in there") with precise language like "convenient for short trips" or "useful in crowded areas". Use linking words such as "because" and "for example" to connect points.

例: Yes, bicycles are very popular, especially among young people, because they are convenient for short trips and help avoid traffic. For example, many students cycle to university since it is faster and cheaper than taking public transport.

× No, I didn't have Baker, uh, when I was child, when I was a child because my parents, uh, didn't I, my parents didn't afford to buy a bike. And then I usually walk to, to school.

✓ No, I didn't have a bike when I was a child because my parents couldn't afford to buy one. I usually walked to school.

Multiple issues: incorrect noun 'Baker' likely intended 'bike' (wrong word), missing article 'a' before 'child', redundant phrase repetition, incorrect verb phrase 'didn't afford' should be 'couldn't afford' to express lack of ability in past, tense inconsistency with 'usually walk' (present) when describing past habit — change to 'usually walked'. Suggestions: use correct vocabulary ('bike'), include articles ('a child'), use modal 'couldn't' for ability in past, and keep past tense for habitual past actions ('usually walked').

× Yes, bicycles are very popular in my country, especially among young people because they are convenient to visit and, uh, used to eat in there or wide crowded area and it helps to many students and.

✓ Yes, bicycles are very popular in my country, especially among young people, because they are convenient for getting around crowded areas and they help many students.

Problems: incorrect preposition and verb phrases ('convenient to visit' should be 'convenient for getting around' or 'convenient to use for getting around'), awkward phrase 'used to eat in there' is irrelevant and incorrect, 'wide crowded area' is contradictory and unidiomatic — use 'crowded areas', and 'it helps to many students' has wrong subject-verb agreement and preposition; use 'they help many students'. Suggestions: use appropriate collocations ('convenient for', 'get around', 'crowded areas'), ensure plural agreement between subject and verb, and remove irrelevant fragments.