Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make your answer more coherent and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Reduce hesitations and filler words, correct grammar (e.g., “when I was a child,” “my father bought them,” “my brother and I had two identical bikes”). Use linking words like “also” or “because” if you add reasons.

例: Yes — I had a bike when I was a child. My father bought two identical bikes for me and my brother, so we often rode together around our neighborhood. I remember we used them for short trips to school and to play with friends.

提案: Give a clear opinion first, then support it with specific reasons and examples. Avoid repetition and filler words. Use linking words (e.g., “however,” “for example,” “because”) to connect ideas. Correct common grammar: “I don’t think bikes are very popular,” “they are seen more as toys,” “in major cities there are bike lanes.”

例: I don’t think bikes are very popular throughout the country; they are often seen more as toys than everyday transport. However, in major cities bike-sharing schemes and dedicated bike lanes are becoming more common, so cycling is gradually gaining popularity among commuters and students.

× Yes, I had very, I had several bikes, uh, I bought, my father bought it when I was very child.

✓ Yes, I had several bikes; my father bought them when I was very young.

The sentence mixes tenses and has incorrect noun references. Use past simple consistently for past events ('had', 'bought'). 'Very child' is incorrect; use 'very young'. 'It' refers to a singular noun but 'bikes' is plural, so use 'them'. Also remove redundant phrases for clarity.

× So we were two brothers in our family.

✓ There were two brothers in my family.

'We were two brothers in our family' is awkward and slightly ungrammatical. Use 'There were two brothers in my family' or 'I had one brother' to express sibling count. This fixes number reference and natural phrasing.

× We had UH-2 identically similar, uh, similar thing.

✓ We had two identical bikes.

'Identically similar' is redundant; use 'identical' alone. 'UH-2' and 'thing' are unclear; specify 'two identical bikes'. This corrects adjective use and makes the sentence concise and grammatically correct.

× I, I don't think the bikes popular it's, it seems is as a toy, uh, rather than vehicle for daily using.

✓ I don't think bikes are popular; they seem to be seen as toys rather than as vehicles for daily use.

This sentence has several problems: missing verb 'are' after 'bikes', incorrect clause order, and wrong gerund/noun form. Use present simple for general beliefs ('don't think', 'seem'). 'Popular' needs the verb 'are'. 'Vehicle for daily using' should be 'vehicles for daily use' or 'vehicles used daily'. Also split into clearer clauses.

× But umm, many times I've seen in major cities there are, uh, bike lanes, so it's getting more popular.

✓ But I have often seen bike lanes in major cities, so cycling is becoming more popular.

Word order and tense are awkward. Move 'I have often seen' before the object. 'There are bike lanes' is redundant when combined; instead say 'I have often seen bike lanes'. Use 'is becoming more popular' for ongoing change rather than 'it's getting more popular'. Replace vague 'it' with 'cycling' for clarity.