Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and fluent: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers and repetition, correct phrasing (e.g. “around the city” not “exclude the cities”), and add one specific supporting detail. Keep answer within 3–4 sentences and use a linking word when adding detail.

例: No, I didn’t have a bike as a child. However, I bought one during my undergraduate years to commute to classes, and it was very convenient. For example, it usually took me 10–15 minutes to cycle to campus, which saved me time and bus fare.

提案: Improve grammar, coherence and specificity: begin with a clear opinion sentence, correct sentence fragments, use linking words (because, so, therefore), and provide a specific reason or example. Avoid vague phrases like “bike events” if you mean “bikes” or “cycling”; keep to 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I think bikes are very popular in my country because traffic is heavy and many people cannot afford cars. As a result, many commuters use bicycles for daily travel. For instance, cycling often lets workers reach their workplaces faster during rush hour and saves money on fuel and fares.

× MMM, I didn't have a bike when I was so young. However, during my undergraduate years, I bought a bike, uh, to go to my go to my classes and exclude the cities, which was really convenient for me.

✓ I didn't have a bike when I was very young. However, during my undergraduate years I bought a bike to go to my classes and to travel around the city, which was really convenient for me.

Original sentence has awkward or incorrect word choices rather than tense errors: 'so young' is informal and unnatural here; 'go to my go to my classes' is a repetition; 'exclude the cities' is incorrect word choice. Corrected to 'very young' and removed repetition. 'To travel around the city' replaces the incorrect phrase. Keep past tense 'didn't have' and 'bought' to match the time frame. Suggestion: avoid fillers like 'uh' in written responses and check for repeated fragments or wrong lexical items.

× Due to the traffic condition and people don't have enough money to buy the cars. Therefore, nowadays bike has become so popular for their day-to-day activities.

✓ Because of traffic conditions and because many people cannot afford to buy cars, bikes have become very popular for day-to-day activities nowadays.

The original uses a fragment ('Due to... and people don't...') that mixes a prepositional phrase with an independent clause, causing a sentence structure error. Also 'the cars' is incorrect article usage and 'bike has become' has subject-number disagreement. Corrected by making a full complex sentence: 'Because of traffic conditions and because many people cannot afford to buy cars, bikes have become very popular...'. This fixes sentence structure, article use, and subject-verb agreement. Suggestion: combine related reasons into one coherent clause and ensure subject and verb agree in number.

× Furthermore, bike events saves their time to reach their destination as the workplaces or their business.

✓ Furthermore, bikes save people time getting to destinations such as workplaces or business locations.

Original has several issues: 'bike events' is likely a wrong phrase (should be 'bikes'); 'saves' disagrees with plural subject if corrected; 'their time to reach their destination as the workplaces or their business' is ungrammatical and awkward. Corrected to plural subject 'bikes' and plural verb 'save', and clearer phrasing 'getting to destinations such as workplaces or business locations.' Suggestion: ensure the subject matches the verb in number and choose appropriate nouns ('bikes' not 'bike events') and clearer connector words when listing examples.