Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Clarify meaning and stay relevant. The answer contains confused words (‘write’, ‘reading’) and mixed tenses. Give a clear topic sentence, a brief reason, and a short comment about the present. Use one or two linking words and avoid unrelated verbs. Specific steps: 1) Replace incorrect verbs with 'ride' when talking about bicycles. 2) Use past tense for childhood facts and present tense for current intentions. 3) Keep it concise (≤5 sentences).

例: No, I didn't. My parents thought riding a bike was too dangerous when I was young, so they didn't let me learn. Now I would like to buy a bike and try riding it myself because I feel safer as an adult.

提案: Improve fluency, reduce hesitations, and add specific supporting details with linking words. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give specific examples (commuting, students, delivery workers) and a reason (cost, convenience, environmental benefits). Use linking words like 'for example' or 'because' to connect ideas. Avoid filler sounds (umm, uh).

例: Yes, I think bikes are quite popular in Hong Kong. For example, many students and office workers cycle short distances to save time and money, and delivery riders use bicycles for quick navigation. Also, because cycling is eco-friendly and convenient in crowded areas, more people choose it for daily travel.

× My parents taught me it was too dangerous, so they didn't let me learn to write.

✓ My parents told me it was too dangerous, so they didn't let me learn to ride a bike.

The student used 'taught me' incorrectly; 'taught me' implies someone instructed them, but the intended meaning is that parents warned or informed them, so 'told me' is correct. Also 'learn to write' is incorrect contextually; the appropriate verb for using a bicycle is 'ride'. Replace with 'learn to ride a bike' to match meaning and past-tense narrative. Suggestion: Use 'told me' for being informed or warned, and 'learn to ride (a bike)' for acquiring bicycle-riding ability.

× I want to buy one and try reading it myself, but I never had the opportunity.

✓ I want to buy one and try riding it myself, but I never had the opportunity.

The verb 'reading' is a present participle but is semantically wrong here; the intended action with a bike is 'ride'. Use the present participle 'riding' after 'try' to indicate attempting an activity. Also maintain tense consistency: 'I want to buy one and try riding it myself, but I never had the opportunity.' Alternatively, for perfect consistency with 'I want' you could say 'I have never had the opportunity'.

× I think yes.

✓ Yes, I think so.

The phrase 'I think yes' is awkward in English. Use 'Yes, I think so' or 'I think so' to express agreement in present tense naturally. This maintains the present-tense opinion structure. Suggestion: Place 'yes' before the clause or use 'I think so'.

× And in my city, umm, some people will choose, uh, buy to uh, go to work or school because it's uh, good for environment.

✓ In my city, some people choose to buy a bike to go to work or school because it is good for the environment.

Several issues: 'will choose, buy to go' is ungrammatical. After 'choose' use the infinitive 'to buy'. The phrase 'choose to buy a bike' is clearer than separating 'choose' and 'buy'. Also include the article 'a' before 'bike' and 'the' before 'environment' ('the environment'). Use simple present 'choose' to state a general habit. Replace 'it's' with 'it is' or keep contraction; include 'a bike' for clarity. Suggestion: Use simple present for habitual actions, the infinitive after 'choose', and include appropriate articles.

× Yeah, in Hong Kong.

✓ Yes, in Hong Kong.

'Yeah' is informal spoken language; replace with 'Yes' for a grammatically neutral answer. No article issue in the sentence itself, but earlier sentence needed 'the environment'. This line is acceptable after changing 'Yeah' to 'Yes' to match formality and clarity.