Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện ngữ pháp cơ bản, dùng thì phù hợp và câu chủ đề rõ ràng; giảm tiếng ấp úng (umm) và lặp từ; làm cho câu ngắn gọn, mạch lạc (không quá 5 câu). Cụ thể: (1) Dùng thì quá khứ cho hành động trong quá khứ (I had / my parents bought). (2) Bắt đầu bằng câu chủ đề trực tiếp, sau đó thêm 1–2 chi tiết cụ thể (ví dụ nơi và ai đã dạy). (3) Loại bỏ từ thừa và các đoạn lặp như “were and we were”. (4) Thực hành nối mạch bằng liên từ đơn giản như “and” hoặc “so” để câu trôi chảy hơn.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. My parents bought me a pink bicycle, and I used to ride it every afternoon in our backyard. My father taught me how to balance at first, and soon I could ride without help. I have fond memories of playing outside with my bike.

提案: Cải thiện sự rõ ràng và chính xác ngôn ngữ; giảm lạm dụng cụm từ như “this is due to the fact” và sửa cấu trúc câu để tránh lặp; cung cấp ví dụ cụ thể và dùng từ vựng phù hợp (e.g., affordable, common among students). Cụ thể: (1) Bắt đầu trực tiếp: “Yes, bikes are popular in Vietnam.” (2) Nêu 2 lý do ngắn gọn, rõ ràng với liên từ (because / and), kèm một ví dụ cụ thể (students commuting to school). (3) Tránh sử dụng nhiều cụm từ trang trọng không cần thiết trong phần nói ngắn.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in Vietnam. They are affordable and easy to maintain, so many families can buy them. In addition, many students use bikes to commute to school every day, especially in smaller towns where traffic is lighter.

× Well, umm, as far as I remembered, I do have a bike.

✓ Well, umm, as far as I remember, I had a bike.

The sentence mixes past reference 'as far as I remembered' with present 'do have'. Use present simple 'remember' with past possession 'had' to be consistent. Suggestion: match time frames; use 'as far as I remember' for present recollection or 'as far as I remembered' with past narrative, but keep verbs consistent.

× Back then when I were still with my parents, umm, they bought me a pink bike and were and we were always having fun together at the backyard.

✓ Back then, when I was still with my parents, they bought me a pink bike, and we were always having fun together in the backyard.

Use 'was' for first person singular past ('I was') not 'were'. Remove the duplicated 'were and'. Use preposition 'in' rather than 'at' for 'the backyard'. Also combine clauses with commas for clarity.

× Umm, teaching me how to ride the bike.

✓ Umm, they taught me how to ride the bike.

Original is a fragment lacking a main verb and subject. Make it a full past tense clause 'they taught me' to match previous past narrative.

× So due to my personal perspective, I do consider bike as a popular vehicle in my country Vietnam.

✓ From my personal perspective, I consider the bike a popular vehicle in my country, Vietnam.

Avoid unnecessary 'do' with stative 'consider'. Use article 'the' before 'bike' in a general class reference and place country name with a comma. 'From my personal perspective' is more natural than 'So due to my personal perspective'.

× This is to the fact.

✓ This is due to the fact.

Phrase order was incorrect. Use standard collocation 'due to the fact' if you wish to emphasize reason. However, it's more concise to say 'This is because'. Suggestion: prefer 'This is because' for natural speech.

× This is due to the fact that they are very reasonable in terms of price.

✓ This is due to the fact that they are very affordable in terms of price.

'Reasonable' is acceptable but 'reasonable in price' is awkward; 'affordable' is a more natural adjective when discussing cost.

× They are also very well known between among the students because they have to ride the bike to school.

✓ They are also very well known among students because they have to ride bikes to school.

Use 'among' (not 'between among'). Use plural 'bikes' when speaking generally. Remove 'the' before 'students' for generalization. Also 'have to ride bikes to school' is clearer.