Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, correct grammar and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give specific supporting details using correct tense and linking words. For example, remove the doubled word “I”, use past tense consistently, and replace unclear phrases like “They offer me some how I practice” with a clear description of who helped and how you practiced.

例: I don't clearly remember owning a bike as a child, but my parents say I learned to ride one at the local mall. When I was about six, my father held the seat and ran beside me until I could balance, and later I practiced around the mall parking lot every weekend until I felt confident.

提案: Improve grammar, choose appropriate vocabulary, and organize your answer with a clear topic sentence followed by reasons and an example. Avoid unclear phrases like “uploaded in my countries” and reduce repetition. Use linking words (for example, because, therefore) to make your explanation logical and specific.

例: Yes, bicycles are quite popular in my country, especially among middle‑class families. Because cars are expensive to buy and maintain, many people prefer bikes for short journeys and commuting, so you often see them used for shopping and going to work.

× I I cannot actually remember having a bike when I was a child, but my parents say I learned to ride one at the local mall.

✓ I cannot actually remember having a bike when I was a child, but my parents say I learned to ride one at the local mall.

The sentence contains a repeated word 'I' at the start, which is a sentence structure error (type 26). Remove the extra 'I' to correct the sentence. The tense and verbs are already appropriate: 'cannot remember' for present ability and 'learned' for past action.

× They offer me some how I practice there until I feel confident.

✓ They helped me somehow; I practiced there until I felt confident.

The original mixes present tense 'offer' with past context and uses awkward phrasing 'some how'. This fits sentence structure errors (26) and incorrect verb tense (5). Change 'offer' to past 'helped' (or 'helped me with it') and 'practice' to past 'practiced' to match the past narrative. Use 'somehow' as one word and split into two clauses for clarity.

× Well bike is uploaded in my countries as as I'm from middle class family bike is the only thing our family can afford because car is so much expensive for us and middle class family like me one.

✓ Well, bikes are popular in my country. Since I'm from a middle-class family, a bike is the only thing our family can afford because cars are very expensive for middle-class families like mine.

This sentence has multiple errors: missing article and pluralization ('bike' should be 'bikes' and 'country' singular), repetition 'as as', incorrect preposition 'in my countries', missing articles 'a middle-class family', singular/plural agreement ('car' -> 'cars'), and awkward phrasing 'middle class family like me one'. These issues map to singular/plural (1), article errors (22), incorrect use of prepositions (11), and sentence structure errors (26). Corrections: use 'bikes are' for general statement, 'my country' singular, include commas, use 'a middle-class family' and 'cars are very expensive', and 'families like mine' for possessive correctness.