Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar; start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid irrelevant or confusing phrases and keep it under five sentences. Also correct tense and possessive errors (e.g., “when I was a child,” “one of my sisters”).

例: Yes. I had a bicycle when I was a child. Once I rode with one of my sisters and I fell off the bike, which resulted in a broken arm. My mother was very worried, so she took me to the hospital immediately.

提案: Give a clear direct answer, then provide two specific reasons linked with connectors. Use correct singular/plural and clearer vocabulary (e.g., “in some regions,” “scenery,” “diverse cultures”). Keep sentences concise and logical.

例: Yes, bikes are quite popular in some regions of my country. This is partly because many rural areas have scenic roads and forests that are pleasant to ride through, and partly because the climate is warm, which makes cycling comfortable for much of the year.

× Yes, when I was child I had a bicycle.

✓ Yes, when I was a child I had a bicycle.

Missing the article 'a' before the singular noun 'child'. Use 'a child' to indicate one member of that category. Suggestion: include the indefinite article with singular countable nouns (a/an).

× But once I went to ride with one of my sister and then I fell down from the cycle and I broke my hand and then my mom was so ****** ***.

✓ But once I went riding with one of my sisters and then I fell off the bicycle and broke my hand, and my mom was very upset.

Several preposition and word choice issues: 'went to ride with' is better as 'went riding with' (verb + -ing for activity). 'One of my sister' needs plural 'sisters' after 'one of'. 'Fell down from the cycle' is unnatural; use 'fell off the bicycle'. 'Broke my hand and then my mom was so ****** ***' likely intends 'very upset' or similar; use appropriate adjective. Suggestion: use 'one of my sisters', 'went riding', and 'fell off'.

× Then I was injured at that time, but she slapped me in that situation and also she was a bit more worried about me and we went to the hospital.

✓ I was injured then, and she slapped me, but she was also very worried about me, so we went to the hospital.

Redundant time markers and awkward sequence. Use simple past consistently: 'I was injured', 'she slapped me', 'she was also very worried', 'we went to the hospital'. Remove 'at that time' and 'in that situation' which are repetitive. Suggestion: keep one clear time phrase and maintain past tense order for clarity.

× Yes, bikes are quite popular in my country and specifically in the part of the region.

✓ Yes, bikes are quite popular in my country, especially in certain parts of the region.

'Specifically in the part of the region' is incorrect. Use 'especially' for emphasis and 'parts of the region' for plural areas. Suggestion: say 'especially in certain parts of the region' or specify the region.

× It's because it's so hot in that places.

✓ It's because it's so hot in those places.

Mismatch between 'that' (singular) and 'places' (plural). Use 'those' to refer to plural locations. Also avoid repeating 'it's' twice; context is fine here. Suggestion: match demonstrative pronoun to noun number: 'those places'.

× And then also the scenario over there is very beautiful.

✓ Also, the scenery over there is very beautiful.

Incorrect word 'scenario' used instead of 'scenery' (uncountable noun). 'The scenery' is correct. Suggestion: use 'scenery' when describing landscape views.

× There are lots of forest.

✓ There are lots of forests. OR There is a lot of forest.

'Lots of forest' is ungrammatical unless 'forest' is treated uncountably. If referring to multiple forests, use 'lots of forests'; if referring to a large area of forest, use 'a lot of forest' or 'a lot of forested area'. Suggestion: choose plural 'forests' or use uncountable phrasing correctly.

× Uh, there are kind many kind of people with different culture just because of that one.

✓ There are many kinds of people with different cultures because of that.

Multiple issues: word order and choice: 'kind many kind of' is redundant and incorrect; use 'many kinds of people'. 'Different culture' should be plural 'different cultures' when referring to various cultures. 'Just because of that one' is vague; 'because of that' suffices. Suggestion: use 'many kinds of people with different cultures' and remove redundant words.