Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise, use correct tense and natural phrasing. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific detail using a linking word. Avoid wordiness and awkward phrases. For example, say you had a bike that belonged to your father and explain briefly why it was special.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. It belonged to my father, who collected bicycles, so I often rode an older model that he kept in good condition.

提案: Use natural vocabulary and clearer sentence structure. Begin with a direct opinion, then give one or two specific reasons linked with connectors like 'because' or 'so'. Avoid unusual words like 'mortals' or filler sounds. Focus on practical reasons (convenience, cost, traffic).

例: Yes, bikes are quite popular in my country because they are cheap and convenient for short trips. For example, many people use motorbikes to avoid traffic and save money on fuel.

× Yes, in my childhood I have a bike which is of my father because he is very passionate with the collections of bike.

✓ Yes, in my childhood I had a bike that belonged to my father because he was very passionate about collecting bikes.

The original uses present tense 'have' but refers to the past ('in my childhood'), so tense is incorrect (Present tense issue - ID 6). Also 'which is of my father' is unnatural; use 'that belonged to my father' to show past possession. 'Passionate with the collections of bike' is incorrect preposition and noun form; use 'passionate about collecting bikes'. Suggestion: match verb tense to timeframe, use 'had' for past possession, use 'belong to' for ownership, use 'passionate about' + gerund for describing interests, and pluralize 'bikes'.

× Yes, in this ultra modern epoch mortals are having uh preferences in the like bikes and new technologies because it helps in getting easier the way of travelling.

✓ Yes, in this ultra-modern era people prefer bikes and new technologies because they make traveling easier.

The sentence mixes awkward and incorrect present continuous 'are having preferences' with unnatural vocabulary. 'Are having preferences' is not idiomatic; simple present 'prefer' expresses general truth (Present tense issue - ID 6). 'Mortals' is inappropriate; use 'people'. 'In the like bikes' is incorrect structure; rephrase to 'prefer bikes'. 'It helps in getting easier the way of travelling' has subject-verb agreement and word order problems; use 'they make traveling easier' where 'they' refers to bikes and technologies. Also hyphenate 'ultra-modern' and use 'era' instead of 'epoch' for naturalness. Suggestion: use simple present for general statements, ensure subject pronoun agrees with plural antecedent, and use concise natural phrasing.