Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, correct grammar and clarify the reason. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give one or two clear supporting details using linking words. Correct tense and vocabulary (e.g., "called orang one" is unclear).

例: Yes. I had a bicycle when I was seven because my father bought it for me as a reward for doing well at school. It was a simple, red bike, and I rode it to visit friends and to the park every weekend.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence, use correct word forms and linking words, and add a specific reason or example. Avoid hesitation sounds and redundancy. Use singular/plural correctly and choose precise phrases like "popular as a means of transport."

例: Yes, I think bicycles are very popular in my country as a means of transport. For example, many people use bikes for short trips to work or school because they are cheap and convenient, and some cities have bike lanes that make cycling safer.

× Luckily I had a bicycle when I was in primary school at 7 years old.

✓ Luckily, I had a bicycle when I was in primary school at seven years old.

The sentence needs a comma after 'Luckily' for natural punctuation and writing numbers under ten are typically written as words in formal writing. This is a minor style/punctuation improvement rather than a grammatical tense change; the past tense 'had' is correct for a past situation. Suggestion: add the comma and write 'seven' in words for clarity and formality.

× Uh, my father gave me a bicycle because I called orang one in my class.

✓ My father gave me a bicycle because I was the top student in my class.

The original sentence is ungrammatical and unclear: 'called orang one' is incorrect English. The speaker likely meant 'was called the top one' or 'was number one.' This is a sentence structure and word choice problem. Correction uses a clear past-tense clause 'I was the top student' which fits the context. Suggestion: use clear noun phrase 'the top student' or 'number one student' and keep past simple 'was'.

× In my opinion, bikes are really important as the transportations because, uh, bicycles, it's very easy to use and also, uh, in friendly environments, so many people use bicycle in daily activities.

✓ In my opinion, bikes are really important as a means of transportation because bicycles are very easy to use and, in friendly environments, many people use bicycles in daily activities.

Multiple errors here: 'the transportations' is incorrect—use 'a means of transportation' (uncountable) or 'transport' without 'the' and plural; 'bicycles, it's' mixes plural subject with singular verb (subject-verb agreement); 'use bicycle' should be 'use bicycles' or 'use a bicycle' (plural agreement). This combines singular/plural and subject-verb agreement and article errors. Correction standardizes to plural 'bicycles are' and uses 'means of transportation.' Suggestion: ensure subject and verb agree (plural with plural), avoid unnecessary articles, and use consistent noun number throughout.