Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar: start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Fix mistakes like “bought it to me” → “bought it for me.” Avoid repeating the same idea (e.g., mentioning bike twice). Use linking words if adding details (for example, “When I was six, my parents bought me a red bicycle. I loved it because…”).

例: When I was six, my parents bought me a red bicycle. I loved it because it helped me learn balance and gave me confidence to ride longer distances, so I spent many afternoons practicing with my friends.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence, then support it with specific reasons or examples and a linking word. Expand slightly with one concrete detail (e.g., traffic, weather, infrastructure) and avoid absolute language unless you can justify it. Use connectors like “because,” “for example,” or “however.”

例: Not really — cars are much more common in my country because public roads and lifestyles favor driving. For example, long commutes and limited bike lanes make cycling less practical for most people.

× Yes, I had a bike when I was a child and my parents bought it to me and it was, I was six years old and it was a red bicycle and I used to love it and it helped me ride on bicycles well.

✓ Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. My parents bought it for me when I was six years old. It was a red bicycle and I used to love it. It helped me learn to ride a bicycle well.

The original long sentence contains multiple tense and preposition errors and needs to be split for clarity. 'Bought it to me' is incorrect; the correct preposition is 'for' when saying someone bought something for someone. 'It was, I was six years old' is an incorrect clause order; place the time clause with the verb: 'bought it for me when I was six years old.' 'Ride on bicycles' is awkward; the usual expressions are 'ride a bicycle' or 'learn to ride a bicycle.' Splitting into shorter sentences also resolves tense consistency and improves readability. Suggestion: use past simple for past facts ('had', 'bought', 'was', 'used to love', 'helped') and correct preposition 'for'.

× I don't think so because in my country they use cars more than bikes, so it's not very important to learn how to cycle.

✓ I don't think so because in my country people use cars more than bicycles, so learning to cycle is not very important.

The sentence uses present simple appropriately but can be improved for naturalness and grammar precision. 'They' is vague; use 'people' when speaking generally. 'Bikes' is acceptable but 'bicycles' is slightly more formal and consistent. 'It's not very important to learn how to cycle' is grammatical, but rephrasing to 'learning to cycle is not very important' makes the sentence more natural by using the gerund as the subject of the clause. No tense change is needed; this is a present-tense general statement. Suggestion: prefer 'people' for general statements and use gerund phrases for clarity.