Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct, use correct tense and fewer hesitations. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct grammar: use past tense for childhood events and avoid repetition. For example, replace fillers and fragmented clauses with a concise sentence and a reason: “No, I didn’t have a bike when I was a child because my family couldn’t afford one.” Then add a brief detail such as how that affected you or what you did instead.

例: No, I didn’t have a bike when I was a child because my family couldn’t afford one. Instead, I often walked to school and played football with friends; as a result, I became quite fit and learned to enjoy group activities.

提案: Give a clear opinion first, then support it with specific, coherent details using linking words. Use accurate quantifiers (avoid '1/2 percent' if unsure) and correct grammar. Keep it within 3–5 sentences. For example, say whether bikes are popular overall, then explain differences by region or age and name popular models correctly.

例: I wouldn’t say bikes are very popular nationwide; however, they are common among young people and in smaller towns. For instance, many youths prefer sports-style bikes such as the Crossfire, while in cities people often choose motorbikes for convenience. Therefore popularity depends on age group and location.

× So to be honest, I I was from a poor background.

✓ To be honest, I was from a poor background.

This sentence has a repetition ('I I') and unnecessary filler 'So' at the start. The structure becomes awkward. Remove the duplicated pronoun and the extra discourse marker to produce a clear past-stative statement. Suggestion: start with 'To be honest' followed by the subject and past-tense verb: 'To be honest, I was from a poor background.'

× So my childhood I don't have any bike because my family cannot afford that.

✓ During my childhood I didn't have any bike because my family could not afford one.

The sentence mixes present tense ('don't have') with a past time reference ('my childhood'). Use past tense for consistency: 'didn't have'. Also 'cannot' should be in past form 'could not' to match. Use 'one' instead of 'that' for a countable noun. Suggestion: use past tense throughout and appropriate pronoun for the object: 'During my childhood I didn't have any bike because my family could not afford one.'

× In my understanding I can't totally say yeah because in my country people have different kind of hobbies but 1/2 percent of people are love to ride a bicycle or bike and one of the popular bike that a lot of youth want to ride is crossfire.

✓ I can't say that for sure because people in my country have different kinds of hobbies; only half a percent of people love to ride bicycles, and one popular bike that many young people want to ride is the Crossfire.

Multiple tense and grammar issues: 'In my understanding' is better as 'I can't say that for sure'. 'Different kind' should be plural 'different kinds'. '1/2 percent' is better written as 'half a percent'. 'Are love' is ungrammatical; use simple present 'love'. Use 'bicycles' plural and 'many young people' instead of 'a lot of youth'. Also include the definite article and capitalization for a specific model: 'the Crossfire'. Suggestion: simplify and correct noun forms, verb agreement, and articles: 'I can't say that for sure because people in my country have different kinds of hobbies; only half a percent of people love to ride bicycles, and one popular bike that many young people want to ride is the Crossfire.'