Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the response more natural and direct by starting with a clear topic sentence, correcting grammar, and keeping to 2–4 sentences. Use a linking word to connect ideas and provide one specific detail (e.g., where you rode or who taught you). Avoid vague phrases like “Guess” and unnecessary repetition.

例: Yes, I did. I learned to ride when I was about twelve, and after practising for a week my parents bought me my first bike. I was really happy because I used to ride around the neighbourhood every evening with my friends, which felt very freeing and fun.

提案: Give a clearer opinion up front and support it with a specific reason and example. Remove filler words like “Umm” and “uh,” and use a linking word (e.g., because, however) to make the explanation coherent. Mention a concrete fact or observation to make the content more convincing.

例: Yes, I believe bikes are quite popular in my country because learning to ride is part of the elementary school curriculum. For example, schools organise a cycling class where pupils practice basic skills, although some children need extra lessons to become confident riders.

× Guess I had a bike as child.

✓ I guess I had a bike as a child.

Original sentence is missing the subject 'I' at the start and the article 'a' before 'child'. This is a sentence structure error because it lacks necessary elements to form a natural English sentence. Suggestion: Always include the subject and use the article 'a' with 'child' in this context: 'I guess I had a bike as a child.'

× I learned to ride when I was about 12 years old and after practicing for a week my parents bought me one which made me really happy because I loved riding around the neighborhood.

✓ I learned to ride when I was about 12 years old, and after practicing for a week my parents bought me one, which made me really happy because I loved riding around the neighborhood.

Tense usage is generally correct (past tense), but the original sentence is a run-on lacking necessary commas to separate clauses, which affects clarity. This falls under past tense/ sentence structure issues. Suggestion: Add commas to separate independent and nonrestrictive clauses: use a comma before 'and' connecting independent clauses and before 'which' to mark the nonrestrictive clause.

× Umm, I think so, because it's kind of a mandatory to learn how to ride a bike in elementary school.

✓ Umm, I think so, because it's kind of mandatory to learn how to ride a bike in elementary school.

The phrase 'a mandatory' incorrectly uses the article 'a' with the adjective 'mandatory' where a noun is required. This is an incorrect use of pronouns/adjectives but primarily an article/adjective error. Suggestion: Remove the article 'a' and keep the adjective 'mandatory' before the infinitive phrase: 'kind of mandatory to learn...'. Alternatively, use a noun: 'a requirement'. Note: Tense remains present and appropriate.

× They have a class and even though not everyone manages to learn it within the small workshop, they do uh.

✓ They have a class, and even though not everyone manages to learn it during the short workshop, most do.

Original sentence ends with 'they do uh,' which is incomplete and colloquial filler. This is a sentence structure error and unclear reference for 'it'. Suggestion: Clarify the time phrase ('during the short workshop' or 'in the workshop') and replace the vague ending with 'most do' to state that most students succeed. Also add a comma after 'class' and remove filler 'uh' for formal speech.