Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Shorten and make the response more natural and coherent. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one brief specific reason. Avoid redundancy and a comma splice; use linking words (for example, 'because' or 'so').

例: No, I didn’t have a bike when I was a child because my parents couldn’t afford one. I really wanted one and I remember watching my friends ride to the park, which made me wish I had a bike too.

提案: Make the answer more structured: give a clear main idea, then two specific supporting points linked with connectors (for example, 'for instance' and 'also'). Remove hesitations like 'uh' and choose more precise vocabulary (e.g., 'young people' instead of 'younger stars').

例: Yes, bikes are becoming more popular in my country. For instance, many young people use bicycles to commute to school and work, and also cycling tourism has grown — tourists often rent bikes to ride on mountain trails during holidays.

× No, I did not have a bike during my childhood, although I wanted to have one so much, my parents could not afford for me.

✓ No, I did not have a bike during my childhood. Although I wanted one very much, my parents could not afford it for me.

Problems: incorrect comma splice and awkward or incorrect preposition/object. The original combined two independent clauses with a comma (sentence structure error) and used 'afford for me' which is incorrect: we say 'afford it for me' or simply 'afford it'. Also 'wanted to have one so much' is awkward; 'wanted one very much' is more natural. Suggestion: separate into two sentences or use a coordinating conjunction; use 'afford it' or 'afford' without 'for me'.

× Yes, it's getting popularity these days, especially in the field of tourism and among the younger stars.

✓ Yes, it is becoming popular these days, especially in tourism and among younger people.

Problems: 'it's getting popularity' is unidiomatic — use 'become/becoming popular' (present progressive meaning developing). 'In the field of tourism' is wordy; 'in tourism' is simpler. 'Younger stars' likely wrong word choice; context means 'younger people' or 'young people'. Suggestion: use 'is becoming popular' and choose appropriate noun 'people'.

× We often see young kids riding bikes to their school, and even during the holidays we find tourists riding bikes, uh, in the mountain trails.

✓ We often see young kids riding bikes to school, and even during the holidays we find tourists riding bikes on mountain trails.

Problems: unnecessary definite article 'their' before school — when speaking generally, omit 'their'. 'In the mountain trails' uses incorrect preposition and article; use 'on mountain trails'. Also remove filler 'uh' in a written response. Suggestion: omit 'their' for general routines and use 'on' with 'trails'.