Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the response more concise and structured: start with a clear topic sentence, then briefly give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and long run-on sentences. Also mention a short time frame or age to add specificity.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. However, I didn't ride it much because I once fell and broke my hand when I was about eight, which made me too afraid to cycle for a long time.

提案: Begin with a clear direct answer, then give two specific reasons connected with linking words. Use more precise vocabulary (e.g., 'afford', 'motorbikes', 'bicycles', 'commute') and avoid hesitations like 'maybe'.

例: Yes, bicycles are very popular in India. Firstly, many people cannot afford cars or motorbikes; secondly, bicycles are inexpensive and practical for people in low-paid jobs to commute to work.

× Yes, I had a bike when I was a child but I didn't ride it much because once I fell and broke my hand after the accident I was so scared to ride for a long time so I stopped using it often.

✓ Yes, I had a bike when I was a child, but I didn't ride it much because once I fell and broke my hand. After the accident, I was so scared to ride for a long time, so I stopped using it often.

This sentence contains run-on elements and tense-consistency problems. The sequence of past events should be divided into clear clauses: 'I fell and broke my hand' is a past event and 'after the accident, I was so scared' continues in the past — keep past tense but separate clauses with punctuation to improve clarity. Also insert a comma before 'but' for correct compound sentence punctuation. Suggestion: break long sentences into shorter ones, maintain past tense for related past actions, and use commas to join independent clauses correctly.

× Yeah, bikes are very popular in my country because in India not a lot of people can afford maybe motorbikes and cars, but people in low paid jobs usually have cycles or bikes to drive.

✓ Yes, bikes are very popular in my country because in India not many people can afford motorbikes and cars, but people in low-paid jobs usually have bicycles.

Problems: 'not a lot of people' is informal and less precise; use 'not many people' for count nouns. 'Maybe' is unnecessary and makes the sentence tentative. 'Low paid' should be hyphenated as 'low-paid' when used as a compound adjective. 'Cycles or bikes' is redundant; use 'bicycles' or 'bikes'. Also use 'Yes' instead of 'Yeah' for a more formal register. Suggestion: choose precise quantifiers for countable nouns ('many'), remove filler words, hyphenate compound adjectives, and avoid redundant synonyms.