Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and clear: start with a topic sentence answering the question, then give 1–2 specific supporting details. Avoid hesitation sounds and grammar errors (e.g. age expression and object words). Use linking words if you add details. Keep answers natural and under 5 sentences.

例: Yes, I did. I received a small pink bicycle for my sixth birthday from my family, and I loved riding it around the neighborhood. Because it was lightweight and had training wheels, I felt confident learning to pedal on my own.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence, then provide specific observations or reasons with correct vocabulary. Avoid unclear phrases like “mobile bags” and extra fillers. Use linking words (for example, because, therefore) to make your points coherent.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in China. For example, many people use shared bikes and you can see docking stations and parked bicycles near public transport hubs, because cycling is cheap, convenient and often faster than driving in congested cities.

× Yeah, sure. Uh, maybe it's in my 6 years old birthday my family bought me a pink bag that I really like.

✓ Yeah, sure. Maybe on my sixth birthday my family bought me a pink bag that I really liked.

The original sentence has incorrect word order and mixed tense/forms: 'it's in my 6 years old birthday' is ungrammatical. Use 'on my sixth birthday' (correct preposition and ordinal number form) — this addresses sentence structure and article/number form. Also change 'I really like' to 'I really liked' to match the past time frame ('my sixth birthday' refers to past). Use 'sixth' rather than '6 years old' and place 'my family bought me' immediately after the time expression for clear structure.

× Yes, definitely. It's really popular in China.

✓ Yes, definitely. They are really popular in China.

The student used 'It' to refer to 'bikes' from the question; 'bikes' is plural, so the pronoun must be plural 'they'. This is a pronoun reference/number agreement issue. Use 'They are' to match plural antecedent and maintain correct subject-verb agreement.

× Like I can see the mobile bags and uh lots of bags on the street and people can use them when it's emergency and without own bikes inside beside.

✓ For example, I can see many mobile bags and lots of bags on the street, and people can use them in an emergency when they do not have their own bikes.

This sentence has multiple pronoun and phrasing problems. 'People can use them when it's emergency' should be 'in an emergency' (correct preposition and noun phrase). 'without own bikes' needs a subject and possessive pronoun: 'they do not have their own bikes'. Also 'inside beside' is unclear and unnecessary; rephrase to clearly express the intended meaning. Overall, replace vague 'Like' with 'For example' and use plural pronoun 'they' and possessive 'their' to match 'people'.