Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the tense consistent, start with a clear topic sentence, and give one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words for clarity and reduce redundancy. For example, say you 'had' a bike, describe the kind of bike briefly, and explain why it helped you learn to ride.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. It was a small red bicycle with training wheels, which helped me learn balance and confidence. As a result, I could ride without help by the time I was six.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence, organise reasons with linking words, and include a specific example or statistic if possible. Avoid filler words like 'umm' and repetitive phrases. Keep it within about three sentences.

例: Yes, bikes are quite popular in my country. Firstly, many people choose cycling because it is eco-friendly and reduces air and noise pollution. For example, in my city there are now dedicated bike lanes and many commuters cycle to work to avoid traffic.

× Yes, I do have a bike when I was a child but with the balancing stance so that it will help me to get in a proper shape and balance while riding a bike.

✓ Yes, I had a bike when I was a child, and it had training wheels to help me get into proper shape and balance while riding.

Errors: present tense auxiliary 'do have' incorrectly used with past time expression 'when I was a child' (present/past tense issue - IDs 6 and 5). 'Balancing stance' is an incorrect noun phrase; 'training wheels' or 'stabilizers' is the correct term (word choice/adjective issue - ID 13). 'So that it will help me to get in a proper shape' mixes future 'will' with past context; use past 'to help me' or simple infinitive. Suggestion: match tense to past for the whole sentence (use 'had'), use appropriate noun 'training wheels' and use a clear infinitive phrase 'to help me gain balance' or 'to help me learn balance.' Keep structure simple and consistent: subject + past verb + object + purpose phrase.

× Bikes are very much popular in my country as people are more eco friendly nowadays and they prefer less air pollution, noise pollution, so they prefer more like doing more travelling on the bikes as compared to using the private transport for example cars umm I think.

✓ Bicycles are very popular in my country because people are more environmentally friendly nowadays and prefer less air and noise pollution, so they tend to travel more by bike rather than using private transport, such as cars.

Errors: 'very much popular' is unnatural; use 'very popular' (adverb/adjective misuse - ID 13). 'Eco friendly' should be 'environmentally friendly' (compound adjective/article issue - ID 13/22). 'Prefer less air pollution, noise pollution' is awkward; rephrase to 'prefer less air and noise pollution' (preposition/word order - ID 11/20). 'doing more travelling on the bikes' is ungrammatical; use 'travel more by bike' (verb form and preposition - IDs 8 and 11). 'as compared to using the private transport' should be 'rather than using private transport' (conjunction/comparison phrasing - ID 16/19). Also 'cars umm I think' includes filler 'umm' and misplaced 'I think'; move 'for example cars' to 'such as cars' and place 'I think' at sentence start or end properly. Suggestion: simplify structure, use correct collocations ('travel by bike', 'private transport', 'such as') and remove fillers.