Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Shorten and correct grammar, give a clear topic sentence, use one or two supporting details, and avoid redundancies. Focus on accurate verbs and adjectives (e.g., "small red bicycle," "kept me active"). Use linking words like "and" or "which" appropriately.

例: Yes, I did. My parents bought me a small red bicycle with training wheels for my sixth birthday. I used to ride it around the neighborhood with my friends, which helped me gain confidence and stay active.

提案: Begin with a clear direct answer, avoid fillers and hesitation, correct word choice and grammar (e.g., "bicycles are popular among young people"), and provide one or two specific reasons with linking words like "because" or "so". Use precise vocabulary such as "popular among", "exercise", "environmentally friendly".

例: Yes, I think bicycles are quite popular in my country, especially among young people, because they are an affordable way to exercise and commute. Moreover, many cities promote cycling as an environmentally friendly alternative to driving.

× Yes, I did have back when I was a child.

✓ Yes, I did have one when I was a child.

The original sentence uses 'back when' awkwardly and omits the object; it also repeats past emphasis unnecessarily. Use 'one' to refer to 'a bike' and keep simple past: 'I did have one' or simply 'I had one.' Suggestion: 'I had one when I was a child.'

× It was a small ride bicycle with training wheels that my parents bought me for my 6th birthday.

✓ It was a small ride-on bicycle with training wheels that my parents bought me for my sixth birthday.

The adjective phrase 'ride bicycle' is incorrect; 'ride-on' is the correct compound adjective. Also write ordinal 'sixth' in words in formal writing. Suggestion: use 'ride-on bicycle' and 'sixth birthday.'

× I remember riding it around the neighborhood with my friends which helped me gain confidence and independence while also keeping my active.

✓ I remember riding it around the neighborhood with my friends, which helped me gain confidence and independence while also keeping me active.

A comma is needed before the nonrestrictive 'which' clause. The phrase 'keeping my active' incorrectly uses the possessive determiner 'my' instead of the object pronoun 'me.' Suggestion: use ', which' and 'keeping me active.'

× Ow, I said it's an interesting question.

✓ Oh, I think that's an interesting question.

'Ow' is a misspelling of the interjection 'oh.' 'I said it's an interesting question' is awkward and mixes speech reporting; respond with present opinion: 'I think that's an interesting question.' Suggestion: use 'Oh, I think...' for spoken responses.

× I think bicycle air country is very popular in in, in the young people because I that's because this thing is it's a good way to exercise and to practice their body and to enrich their energy.

✓ I think bicycles are very popular in my country among young people because they are a good way to exercise, strengthen the body, and increase energy.

Multiple issues: 'bicycle air country' is garbled; correct is 'bicycles are ... in my country.' 'in in, in the young people' is wrong preposition and repetition; use 'among young people.' 'I that's because this thing is it's' is redundant and ungrammatical. Use plural 'they' to refer to bicycles. 'Practice their body' is incorrect collocation; use 'strengthen the body' or 'exercise the body.' 'Enrich their energy' is awkward; use 'increase energy.' Suggestion: simplify and use correct prepositions and pronouns.

× And the bicycle is a very health.

✓ And bicycles are very healthy.

'A very health' uses a noun 'health' where an adjective is required; use 'healthy.' Also maintain plural consistency with previous sentence: 'bicycles are.' Suggestion: use 'bicycles are very healthy' or 'riding a bicycle is very healthy.'