Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and coherent: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words. Avoid repetition and unclear phrasing (e.g. “that riding bikes that surround riding bikes”). Use natural vocabulary like “dangerous roads” or “traffic” instead of vague terms like “environmental hazards.” Keep to under five sentences.

例: No, I didn't have a bike as a child. My parents were worried about safety because our neighborhood had heavy traffic and few bike lanes, so they preferred we walk or take public transport instead.

提案: Answer directly and give a clear reason with a linking word. Correct grammar (e.g. use “No, I don't think so” or “Not really”) and avoid incomplete or repeated fragments like “So we usually, we usually children.” Add one specific example (e.g. lack of bike lanes) to support your view.

例: Not really. I grew up in Lagos, where heavy traffic and long highways make cycling unsafe. For example, there are few dedicated bike lanes, so most people prefer cars or buses.

× No, I didn't have a bike when I was a child. This is because my parents didn't want us to be exposed to the danger that riding bikes that surround riding bikes, so they were literally trying to protect us from such environmental hazards.

✓ No, I didn't have a bike when I was a child. This was because my parents didn't want us to be exposed to the dangers of riding bikes, so they were literally trying to protect us from such hazards.

The sentence mixed tenses and had awkward phrasing. 'This is because' should be 'This was because' to match the past tense context. 'the danger that riding bikes that surround riding bikes' is ungrammatical and unclear; replace with 'the dangers of riding bikes' for clarity and correct noun phrase use. Also 'environmental hazards' is redundant here; 'such hazards' is more natural. Suggestion: Keep tense consistent (past) when explaining past reasons, simplify and use clear noun phrases like 'dangers of riding bikes'.

× No, I don't because I grew up in Lagos and Lagos is not a very safe place to ride bikes because of traffic and the fact that we have more highway roads here. So we usually, we usually children.

✓ No, I don't. I grew up in Lagos, and Lagos is not a very safe place to ride bikes because of heavy traffic and many highways. So we usually didn't ride bikes as children.

The original reply has sentence fragments and mixed tenses. 'No, I don't' is acceptable but ambiguous; separating into two sentences improves clarity. 'the fact that we have more highway roads here' is awkward; use 'many highways' or 'heavy traffic and many highways'. The final fragment 'So we usually, we usually children.' is incomplete and lacks a verb. Recast as 'So we usually didn't ride bikes as children' to convey the intended meaning in past tense. Suggestion: Ensure each sentence has a subject and verb, keep tense consistent, and avoid repetition.