Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and direct. Start with a clear topic sentence (Yes, I did), then give one or two specific supporting details without hesitation markers (“uh”, “umm”). Use past tense consistently and avoid redundancy. Add a linking word to connect the memory with the reason (e.g., because/when/after).

例: Yes, I did. I received my first bike after I finished first grade because my grandfather promised to buy one if I got good grades. It’s a fond memory because riding that bike made me feel independent and I rode it to visit friends in the neighborhood.

提案: Give a clear, concise opinion then support it with specific reasons and a brief comparison. Remove filler words and use linking phrases (for example, however, because, as a result). Provide one specific example or consequence to strengthen the answer.

例: Not really. In my city most people prefer cars or public transport because the roads are wide and the area isn’t very walkable. As a result, bicycles are mainly used by children for play, while adults rarely cycle for commuting.

× Uh, yes. It's also a very nice memory of me to look back on.

✓ Uh, yes. It's a very nice memory for me to look back on.

The preposition 'of' is incorrectly used with 'memory' here; the correct collocation is 'memory for someone' or 'a memory of something.' This is a sentence structure / preposition choice issue. Use 'for me' to indicate who holds the memory. Improve by learning common noun+preposition collocations (e.g., 'a memory for me', 'a memory of my childhood').

× Uh, I just had finished first grade and my grandfather had promised me to buy me a bike at the end of first grade if I had gone or if I had got, umm, good grades, uh.

✓ Uh, I had just finished first grade, and my grandfather promised to buy me a bike at the end of the year if I got good grades.

Multiple tense issues: 'had finished' can be kept as past perfect but 'just' often pairs with past perfect in narration; however mixing many past perfects is unnecessary. Use simple past 'promised' for a single past action. The conditional should use simple past 'if I got' not 'if I had got' or 'had gone.' Also 'promised me to buy me' is awkward—use 'promised to buy me.' Improve by simplifying past tense sequence: use past perfect only when necessary and use simple past for the main past actions and the conditional clause.

× Do you think bikes are popular in your country? Student: Uh, not really, to be honest. Uh, especially my city, it's not a really walkable, uh, town, so people mostly use vehicles or public transportation to get around the city.

✓ Uh, not really, to be honest. Especially in my city, it's not a very walkable town, so people mostly use vehicles or public transportation to get around.

Preposition placement and redundancy: 'my city, it's' is awkward; use 'in my city.' 'Not a really walkable town' should be 'not a very walkable town.' Also avoid repeating 'the city' after 'in my city'—drop the final 'the city.' Improve by placing prepositions correctly and removing redundant phrases.

× Uh, so mostly children, uh, are riding bikes in my country.

✓ Uh, so mostly children ride bikes in my country.

The progressive 'are riding' suggests an action happening right now; for habitual actions (general fact) use simple present 'ride.' This is a present tense issue. Improve by using simple present for routines and general truths.