Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Give a direct, grammatically correct topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct tense and phrasing (use past tense) and avoid fillers like “uh.” Keep it to 2–4 sentences. For example, mention the bike’s color or how you used it and why you liked it.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. My mother bought a bright red bicycle for my seventh birthday, and I used it every day to ride to the park. Because it was lightweight and had training wheels at first, I learned to ride quickly and felt very proud.

提案: Start with a clear opinion sentence, then give specific reasons and use linking words (for example, because, so, therefore). Fix grammar (use plural ‘bicycles’ or ‘bikes’ and correct articles) and reduce fillers. Provide one or two concrete examples or comparisons to support your view.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country because many people use them for short trips and exercise. For example, there are bike shops on almost every street and dedicated bike lanes in cities, so cycling is a convenient and affordable option for commuting.

× Uh, yes, I have a bike when I'm still a child. My mom bought it for me and I love it.

✓ Uh, yes, I had a bike when I was a child. My mom bought it for me and I loved it.

The sentence mixes present tense ('have', 'I'm still a child', 'love') with a past time frame ('when ... child'). Use past tense for all verbs referring to that past period. Change 'have' to 'had', 'I'm still a child' to 'I was a child', and 'love' to 'loved' to maintain consistent past narration. Suggestion: determine the time frame first, then use the same tense for all verbs describing that time.

× Uh, yes. Uh, bike is so popular that, uh, every, uh, corner of the road there is a store.

✓ Uh, yes. Bikes are so popular that there is a store on every corner of the road.

The original uses singular 'bike' while speaking about bikes in general and has awkward word order. Use plural 'Bikes' and plural verb agreement 'are' to indicate general truth. Also reorder phrase to 'there is a store on every corner of the road' for natural English. Suggestion: use plural nouns when referring to items in general and place 'there is/are' followed by location phrase ('on every corner').