Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and concise, correct minor grammar, avoid redundancy, and add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Keep answers under five sentences. For example, start with a clear topic sentence, then give concrete details (e.g., where you rode it, who with, a memorable event) and finish with a brief reason why it was special.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. It was a pink bicycle that I rode every afternoon around my neighborhood with my friends, especially along the park path. Because I learned to ride on it and spent many happy hours outdoors, it remains one of my fondest childhood memories.

提案: Clarify and organize your answer: give a clear opinion, then two specific reasons with linking words (e.g., because, for example, moreover). Fix repetition and grammar errors, and use more precise vocabulary (e.g., ‘common’, ‘widely used’, ‘independence’). Keep it within five sentences.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country. For example, many children use bicycles to get to school and visit friends, which helps them gain independence. Moreover, bicycles are affordable and practical in crowded neighborhoods, so lots of families prefer them for short trips.

× It was pink in color and I really liked driving that bike.

✓ It was pink and I really liked riding that bike.

The verb 'drive' is incorrect for bicycles in this context; the correct verb is 'ride'. 'Riding' is the gerund form needed after 'liked'. Also 'in color' is unnecessary in English; say 'It was pink.' Suggestion: use verbs that collocate with the object (ride a bike) and avoid redundant phrases.

× It was a really precious part of my childhood because it helped a lot memories.

✓ It was a very precious part of my childhood because it helped create a lot of memories.

The phrase 'helped a lot memories' is ungrammatical. 'Helped' needs a verb or preposition; 'create a lot of memories' correctly expresses that the bike contributed to many memories. Also 'really precious' is acceptable but 'very precious' is more natural. Suggestion: use a verb after 'helped' (helped to create) or rephrase as 'it created many memories.'

× Well, I personally believe that bikes are really popular in my country because I feel children in children in my country become independent by riding their bikes, moving around the their streets and we do various things with their bikes.

✓ Well, I personally believe that bikes are really popular in my country because children become independent by riding their bikes, moving around their streets, and doing various things with them.

The original sentence contains repetition ('children in children in my country'), an extra article ('the their streets'), and inconsistent subjects and pronouns ('we' vs 'children', 'their bikes' vs 'them'). This is a sentence structure and pronoun usage problem: maintain a single subject and match pronouns ('children' -> 'their bikes' or 'them'). Also use parallel verbs ('riding', 'moving', 'doing') and remove redundant phrases. Suggestion: remove repetition, fix possessive pronouns, and keep parallel verb forms.

× It was pink in color and I really liked driving that bike.

✓ It was pink and I really liked riding that bike.

The phrase 'pink in color' is wordy; 'pink' suffices. Additionally, 'that bike' is acceptable if referring to a specific bike; no 'the' error here beyond redundancy. Suggestion: simplify descriptions by omitting 'in color.'

× ...moving around the their streets...

✓ moving around their streets

Using both the definite article 'the' and the possessive 'their' together is incorrect. Use one: 'their streets' is correct. Suggestion: do not combine 'the' with possessive determiners.