Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 답변이 모호하고 구체성이 부족합니다. 먼저 질문에 직접적으로 답한 뒤(예: ‘Yes, I did’ 또는 ‘No, I didn’t’) 그다음에 자세한 기억이나 짧은 설명을 덧붙이세요. 연결어(for example, because, when)를 사용해 문장들을 자연스럽게 이어주고 문장 수를 3~4문장으로 유지하세요. 발음과 문법에서는 ‘I'm not sure but I think’ 같은 표현 대신 더 확실한 표현이나 과거 시제를 명확히 사용하세요.

例: Yes, I did. I had a small red bicycle when I was about seven, and I used to ride it around my neighborhood every afternoon. For example, my friends and I would race to the park after school, which helped me become more confident on two wheels.

提案: 의견은 제시했지만 이유와 예시가 어색하고 문법·어휘 오류가 많습니다. 먼저 명확한 주제문을 말한 뒤(예: ‘Yes, they are quite popular’) 이유를 1~2개로 한정하고 연결어(because, however, for example)를 사용하세요. ‘breaks’는 ‘brakes(제동장치)’의 철자와 의미를 혼동한 것으로 보이니 정확한 단어를 사용하고 문장을 간결하게 고쳐야 합니다. 또한 공원에서의 안전 문제를 설명할 때 구체적 사례(예: 학생들이 속도를 내거나 보호장비를 안 착용함)를 덧붙이면 설득력이 높아집니다.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country. However, this popularity has caused safety problems in places like national parks because many young students ride too fast and often don’t wear helmets. For example, last summer I saw several teenagers riding on narrow trails without brakes or protective gear, which made the paths dangerous for walkers.

× I'm not sure but I think I had a bike when I was younger.

✓ I'm not sure, but I think I had a bike when I was younger.

Comma needed before coordinating conjunction 'but' when joining independent clauses. Use of past tense 'had' is correct for referring to childhood. Suggest adding a comma for clarity and natural rhythm.

× Yeah, I think so. But because of that, I think it's quite serious problem these days because there are many students, young students who bike in the park, National Park, but they don't have breaks.

✓ Yes, I think so. However, I also think it's quite a serious problem these days because many young students ride bikes in the national park, but they don't have brakes.

Multiple issues corrected: replaced informal 'Yeah' with 'Yes' for formality; 'But because of that' is redundant and awkward so 'However' begins the contrasting idea. Inserted the article 'a' before 'serious problem'. 'Students, young students' is repetitive; 'many young students' is concise. Use 'ride bikes' instead of 'bike' as verb. 'National Park' should not be capitalized unless it's a specific name; use lowercase 'national park' or the exact name. 'Breaks' is wrong word; correct is 'brakes' (mechanical part). Overall sentence structure was confusing so clauses were reorganized for clarity.