Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (uh), correct minor grammar and finish the sentence. Add one specific detail about the bike (color, type, or memorable moment) and use a linking word if you add a second sentence.

例: Yes. I had a small red bicycle that my grandfather gave me for my fifth birthday. It had a bell and training wheels, so I learned to ride safely in our courtyard.

提案: Give a direct opinion, reduce hesitations and use smoother linking words. Use specific evidence or a brief comparison to support your view (e.g., common reasons for popularity or statistics). Keep it to two sentences maximum.

例: Definitely. Bikes are very popular in my country because they are affordable and convenient; for example, many people cycle to work or school to avoid traffic and save money.

× Uh, yes, uh, when I was a child I used to have a bike which I really, uh, found joyful to, uh, ride during those days.

✓ Yes, when I was a child I used to have a bike which I really enjoyed riding.

The original sentence contains redundant fillers and an awkward verb phrase 'found joyful to ride'. This is a sentence structure and word-choice issue. Replace 'found joyful to ride' with the natural collocation 'enjoyed riding'. Remove unnecessary filler words like 'uh' and the redundant 'during those days' because 'when I was a child' already indicates the time.

× Actually it was uh, a gift on my 5th birthday by my grandfather on the.

✓ Actually, it was a gift from my grandfather for my fifth birthday.

The original phrasing 'a gift on my 5th birthday by my grandfather on the.' is ungrammatical and has article and preposition misuse. Use 'a gift from my grandfather' to show the giver and 'for my fifth birthday' to indicate the occasion. Also write numbers in words in formal speech: 'fifth'. Remove the trailing 'on the.' which is incomplete.

× Definitely. According to me, bikes are very much popular in my country because, uh, almost everyone in these days, uh, have their own, uh, personal bikes, uh, which they usually use for riding to their offices or to their schools.

✓ Definitely. In my opinion, bikes are very popular in my country because almost everyone these days has their own personal bike, which they usually use to ride to work or to school.

There are multiple issues: awkward phrase 'According to me' (use 'In my opinion'), 'very much popular' is incorrect collocation (use 'very popular'), 'in these days' should be 'these days', and subject-verb agreement error 'almost everyone ... have' should be 'has' because 'everyone' is singular (subject-verb agreement). Also 'personal bikes' can be singular 'personal bike' to match 'everyone', and 'use for riding to their offices or to their schools' is wordy—use 'use to ride to work or to school'. Removed filler words 'uh'.