Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, correct grammar, and organise your answer with a clear topic sentence plus one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repeating phrases like “I used to.” Use linking words (for example, because, so) to connect ideas and give a brief specific example or feeling about the bike.

例: Yes, I had a bicycle when I was a child. I rode it to school every day, and I especially loved it because it was my dream bike—gear-shifted and sturdy—despite my family being middle class. Because it was reliable, I felt independent and confident riding around my neighbourhood.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific reasons or examples using linking words. Improve grammar and word choice (for example, say “poor infrastructure” and avoid redundancy like “bikes and bicycles”).

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in Nepal. Because many streets are narrow and road infrastructure is poor, motorcycles and bicycles are more practical than cars for daily travel. For example, commuters often use motorbikes to navigate crowded markets and steep village lanes.

× I used to go school by that bicycle.

✓ I used to go to school by bicycle.

Missing the preposition 'to' before 'school' and unnecessary article 'that' before 'bicycle'. The structure 'go to school' requires 'to' and 'by bicycle' is the usual phrasing for means of transport. Improve by remembering fixed expressions like 'go to school' and 'by bicycle'. (ID:8)

× I used to love it because it was like my, it was my dream bike because as a middle, as a middle class child, I was so fond of riding gear bicycle and it was one of that.

✓ I used to love it because it was my dream bike; as a middle-class child, I was very fond of riding a geared bicycle and it was one of them.

Multiple issues: 'like my' is unnecessary repetition; 'middle class' should be hyphenated as 'middle-class' when used as an adjective; 'riding gear bicycle' is incorrect word order and term — use 'geared bicycle' or 'a bicycle with gears'; 'one of that' should be 'one of them' to match plural reference. Also use 'very' instead of 'so' for clarity. Improve by using correct adjective compounds, proper noun phrases order, and matching pronouns. (ID:13)

× So yeah, I do like that.

✓ So yeah, I liked it.

The student is talking about a past habit and description of a childhood bike, so simple past 'liked' or 'used to like' is appropriate rather than present 'do like'. Use consistent past tense when describing past experiences. (ID:6)

× As you know our country in Nepal, it has narrow roads and not so well infrastructure and advanced road to ride normal vehicles in our daily lives.

✓ As you know, in our country, Nepal, we have narrow roads and not very good infrastructure and not many advanced roads for riding normal vehicles in daily life.

Awkward word order and missing articles/pronouns: 'our country in Nepal' should be 'in our country, Nepal'; 'not so well infrastructure' is incorrect — use 'not very good infrastructure'; 'advanced road' should be plural or rephrased as 'advanced roads'; 'to ride normal vehicles in our daily lives' is awkward — use 'for riding normal vehicles in daily life'. Improve by rearranging clauses, adding necessary articles, and using natural collocations. (ID:26)

× So bikes and motorbikes and bicycles are quite a great choice.

✓ So bikes, motorbikes, and bicycles are a great choice.

Redundant conjunctions and article usage: list punctuation needs commas; 'quite a great choice' is wordy — better 'a great choice' or 'quite a good choice'. Also 'bikes' and 'bicycles' overlap; choose one or clarify. Improve by simplifying the list and choosing appropriate quantifier. (ID:12)