Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammatical accuracy, fluency and coherence by making one clear topic sentence, fixing word order and missing words, and avoiding redundancies. Use linking words to connect details and be specific about unclear phrases (e.g. “trading moves” and the sentence ending). Keep the answer to 3–4 well-formed sentences.

例: Yes, I did. It was a small bright red bicycle that my parents bought me for my seventh birthday. I used to ride it around the neighbourhood with my friends every weekend, which helped me build confidence and independence. I have fond memories of learning to balance and racing down a gentle hill near my house.

提案: Clarify and complete unfinished ideas, fix repetition and punctuation, and add a linking phrase to structure the answer. Provide a clear topic sentence, then two supporting details with specific examples or data if possible. Avoid vague endings like “interest in site.”

例: Yes, I think bicycles are very popular, particularly in cities and suburban areas. They are an affordable and convenient way to travel short distances, helping many people avoid traffic and save money on commuting. In recent years there has also been growing interest in bike-sharing schemes and cycle lanes, which has encouraged even more people to cycle.

× Yes, I did have bike when I was a child.

✓ Yes, I did have a bike when I was a child.

Article errors (ID 22): The noun 'bike' is countable and singular, so it requires the indefinite article 'a'. Use 'a bike' not 'bike'. Use: 'I did have a bike' or simpler 'I had a bike.'

× It was a small bright red bicycle with trading moves at My parents bought me for my 7th birthday and I used it to ride around the neighborhood with my friends every weekend.

✓ It was a small, bright red bicycle that my parents bought me for my 7th birthday, and I used it to ride around the neighborhood with my friends every weekend.

Incorrect conjunction/article and sentence structure (IDs 16 and 22): The original contains 'with trading moves at My parents' which is ungrammatical and capitalized incorrectly. Replace the phrase with a relative clause 'that my parents bought me' to link the bicycle to the parents' action. Also add a comma between coordinate adjectives 'small' and 'bright red' and before the conjunction 'and' connecting two independent clauses. Ensure proper capitalization. Suggestion: Use a relative clause 'that my parents bought me' and add commas for clarity.

× Riding the bike helped me build confidence and independence and have fond memories of learning to balance and race down the.

✓ Riding the bike helped me build confidence and independence, and I have fond memories of learning to balance and racing downhill.

Sentence structure and verb form errors (IDs 26 and 8/10): The sentence incorrectly mixes verb forms and omits an object after 'down the.' Use parallel structure: 'helped me build' followed by separate clause 'I have fond memories of' plus gerund for the activities 'learning to balance and racing downhill.' 'Downhill' is the correct adverb/adjective here. Suggestion: Maintain parallelism and complete the phrase 'down the [hill]' by using 'downhill' or 'down the hill.'

× Yes, bicycles are quite popular in my country, especially in urban and semi urban areas where they are where they offer an affordable and convenient mode of transport For many people, bikes provide an economical alternative to cars and public transport, helping to avoid traffic congestion and reduce commuting costs.

✓ Yes, bicycles are quite popular in my country, especially in urban and semi-urban areas where they offer an affordable and convenient mode of transport. For many people, bikes provide an economical alternative to cars and public transport, helping to avoid traffic congestion and reduce commuting costs.

Preposition and redundancy errors (ID 11) plus punctuation: The phrase 'where they are where they offer' repeats 'where they' unnecessarily; remove the extra 'are where'. Also hyphenate 'semi-urban' and add a period between clauses to avoid a run-on sentence. Prepositions are otherwise correct but the redundancy makes the sentence ungrammatical. Suggestion: Remove the duplicate words and separate into two sentences for clarity.

× Moreover, there has been growing interest in site.

✓ Moreover, there has been growing interest in cycling.

Sentence structure and word choice error (ID 26): 'interest in site' is incorrect and likely a wrong word choice. Context suggests 'interest in cycling' or 'in bike use' fits. Replace with a clear noun phrase 'interest in cycling.' Suggestion: Choose a noun or gerund that logically completes 'interest in ...' such as 'cycling' or 'bicycling.'