Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar, sentence structure and fluency. Start with a clear topic sentence in past tense, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct verb forms (use past simple), remove repetition, and keep to a maximum of 3–4 sentences. Pronoun and article use should be fixed (e.g., “my sixth-grade year,” “my mother bought me a bike”).

例: Yes. I had a bike when I was a child. In my sixth-grade year my mother bought me a bicycle so I could ride to school by myself, which was very convenient. I remember enjoying the independence it gave me and how it saved time getting to class.

提案: Use clear present-tense statements and contrast past and present with appropriate linking words (e.g., “used to,” “but now,” “because”). Use correct vocabulary (e.g., “electric scooters” or “e-bikes,” not “electronic flight”) and correct comparative expressions. Give one specific reason or example to support your view and avoid repetition.

例: Bikes used to be very popular in my country about 10 or 20 years ago, but now electric scooters and e-bikes are more common because they are faster and easier for longer distances. For example, many commuters prefer e-scooters for short urban trips since they save time and require less effort.

× Yes, I have a bike when I was a child.

✓ Yes, I had a bike when I was a child.

The sentence mixes present tense 'have' with past time reference 'when I was a child.' Use past tense 'had' to match the past time frame. Suggestion: use past tense for actions or states that occurred in the past (I had, I went, I was).

× When I was in my 6th grade I my mother by by about me a bike so that I can ride bike to school by myself.

✓ When I was in sixth grade my mother bought me a bike so that I could ride to school by myself.

Multiple issues: word order and missing/incorrect words. 'In my 6th grade' should be 'in sixth grade.' 'I my mother by by about me a bike' is garbled; correct verb is 'bought.' Also tense for purpose clause should be past 'could' to match past narrative. Suggestions: keep clear subject-verb order, use correct past tense verbs for past narratives, and use 'could' for ability in the past. Remove duplicate words and use 'ride to school' rather than 'ride bike to school.'

× It's very convenient.

✓ It was very convenient.

Context is past narrative about childhood; adjective 'convenient' is fine but tense should match past. Use past 'was' not present 'is.' Suggestion: match verb tense to the time frame described.

× I actually, I think bike was very popular in my country about 10 or 20 years before,

✓ Actually, I think bikes were very popular in my country about 10 or 20 years ago,

Several problems: count noun 'bike' should be plural 'bikes' when speaking generally (subject-verb agreement/plurality) and past reference needs past tense 'were' and time expression 'ago' not 'before.' Also remove redundant 'I.' Suggestion: use plural for general statements and 'ago' for time in the past.

× but now the electronic flight is more is more popular because it's very fast and you can go to some place more far.

✓ but now electric scooters (or electric bikes) are more popular because they are very fast and you can go to farther places.

Original has wrong term 'electronic flight' and repeats 'is more.' Choose correct noun: 'electric scooters' or 'electric bikes.' Use plural 'are' for general statements. Use 'they are' instead of 'it's' and 'farther places' or 'go farther' to express greater distance. Suggestion: use correct vocabulary for the vehicle, avoid repetition, match plurality, and use 'farther' for physical distance.