Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and use a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Avoid run-on sentences and include a reason or brief example to make the answer more vivid.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. It was my favourite because my father gave it to me for my seventh birthday, so I associate it with happy family memories. For example, we used to ride together to the park every Sunday, which helped me learn balance and made weekends special.

提案: Start with a clear direct answer, then give two specific, well-linked reasons or examples. Remove filler words (uh, like) and finish your thought. Use linking words such as "because", "for example" and "also" to organise ideas.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country because many people cycle for exercise and short commutes. For example, commuters often ride to work to avoid traffic, and families cycle in parks on weekends for leisure and fitness.

× Yes, I had a bike in my childhood I like the most because it was gifted by my father and I remember all the moments now as well.

✓ Yes, I had a bike in my childhood that I liked the most because it was a gift from my father, and I still remember all those moments.

Multiple issues: run-on sentence and verb tense/word choice. 'I had a bike in my childhood I like the most' is incorrect: the past tense 'had' requires past-time modifiers and the relative clause should match past ('that I liked the most'). 'Gifted by my father' is unnatural; use 'a gift from my father' or 'was given to me by my father.' 'I remember all the moments now as well' should be 'I still remember all those moments' to use natural adverb placement and correct demonstrative. Suggestion: split or join clauses with proper connectors, keep past tense consistency for childhood events, and use natural noun phrases.

× Yes, of course, bikes are very popular in my country because most of the people like to uh, like to ride by the bike for their health.

✓ Yes, of course, bikes are very popular in my country because most people like to ride bikes for their health.

Errors: 'most of the people' is wordy; use 'most people.' 'Ride by the bike' is incorrect preposition and article usage; use the verb 'ride' with the object 'bikes' or 'a bike' without 'by.' Also remove filler 'uh' and duplicate 'like to.' Suggestion: use 'ride bikes' or 'ride a bike' and avoid unnecessary words.

× Some people do exercises uh, and some people drive bikes in the parks and most of.

✓ Some people exercise, others ride bikes in the parks, and most do it for recreation or health.

Sentence fragments and repetition: 'do exercises uh' is informal and awkward; 'exercise' is a better verb. 'Drive bikes' is incorrect collocation in this context; use 'ride bikes.' The phrase 'and most of.' is an unfinished fragment. Suggestion: combine ideas into a complete sentence, remove fillers, use correct verbs ('exercise', 'ride'), and finish the thought (e.g., 'most do it for recreation or health').