Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer more fluent, concise and better structured. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details (age, type of bike, feelings) using linking words to connect ideas. Avoid fillers (uh, um) and redundant phrases. Keep it within 2–4 sentences and use precise vocabulary (e.g., "owned" instead of "brought one cycle").

例: Yes. I owned a bicycle when I was about seven or eight years old. It was a red Hero brand bike and I used to ride it around my neighborhood every day, which made me feel very independent and happy.

提案: Organize the answer: give a direct opinion, then two clear reasons with linking words. Avoid vague or off-topic references; mention economic reasons and practical benefits specifically. Use accurate grammar (e.g., "in the past" not "past time") and avoid uncertain phrasing like "something these areas." Keep it concise and coherent.

例: Yes, bikes have become more popular recently. In the past many people preferred cars or public transport, but now higher petrol prices and security concerns have led more people to choose motorcycles and scooters because they are cheaper to run and easier to park.

× Long time ago, I remember when I was kid, my parents brought one cycle for me.

✓ A long time ago, I remember when I was a kid, my parents bought a bicycle for me.

The sentence mixes past reference with inappropriate verb choice and article usage. Use 'A long time ago' and include 'a' before 'kid'. 'Brought' is grammatically possible but 'bought' is more appropriate for purchasing; use 'a bicycle' instead of 'one cycle'. Ensure past tense consistency with 'remembered' can be present but here 'I remember' is acceptable when recalling; keeping 'I remember' is fine while other verbs remain past.

× That was when that time I was hiding around 7 to 8 years old and it was uh, it was like, uh, a hero cycle.

✓ That was when I was around 7 or 8 years old, and it was a Hero bicycle.

Unnecessary words 'that time' and 'hiding' are incorrect here. Use 'around 7 or 8 years old' and 'Hero' as a brand name capitalized; 'bicycle' is the correct noun. Remove filler words 'uh' and repeated 'it was'. Keep sentence concise and grammatically coherent.

× So it was so nice and uh, I was very attached with that.

✓ So it was very nice, and I was very attached to it.

English uses 'attached to' not 'attached with'. Replace 'that' with 'it' for clarity. Also remove filler 'uh' and avoid redundant 'so' when 'very' suffices.

× Yes, these days a lot uh, if I talk about past time, that time people were very fond of just uh, travelling through cars and uh public transportation, but now as uh, some wars happening in Afghanistan and something these areas, so because of petrol price, people are preferring bikes.

✓ Yes, these days many people use bikes. In the past, people preferred travelling by car and public transportation, but now, because of wars in Afghanistan and higher petrol prices in some areas, people prefer bikes.

Original sentence is run-on and disorganized. Break into clear sentences and correct verb forms: 'a lot' should be 'many people' or 'a lot of people'. Use past tense 'preferred' for past habits and present simple 'prefer' for general present. Replace 'are preferring' with 'prefer' (present simple). 'Some wars happening' should be 'wars in Afghanistan' or 'some areas'; clarify and remove 'something these areas'. Use 'higher petrol prices' rather than 'petrol price'.