Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Give a clearer topic sentence and add one or two supporting details. Use a linking phrase if you add extra information. Keep it natural and avoid hesitation. For example, state briefly when you had the bike and one memory or reason why you liked it.

例: Yes, I did have a bike when I was a child. I got it when I was about eight, and I used to ride it to my friend's house every afternoon because it was faster than walking.

提案: Make a direct statement, avoid repetition and hesitations, and provide specific supporting details with linking words (for example: because, for instance, in particular). Mention who uses bikes, where, and why to make your answer more convincing.

例: Yes, bikes are quite popular in my country, especially in small towns. For example, many children and adults use bicycles to travel short distances because they are cheap and convenient, and you'll often see people riding them to markets or school.

× I remember most of my playmates, they issued each one of them.

✓ I remember most of my playmates; each one of them had a bike.

The original sentence redundantly uses the subject 'most of my playmates' followed by the pronoun 'they', creating a run-on and unclear structure. Also 'issued' is incorrect in this context (wrong verb). Use a semicolon or split into two clauses and use the correct verb 'had' to show possession. Suggestion: avoid repeating the subject and choose the correct verb for meaning.

× I remember they had a bike of their own.

✓ I remember they each had a bike of their own.

The original is grammatical but sounds slightly awkward because 'each' clarifies individuality. Adding 'each' makes the idea clearer. The pronoun usage is acceptable, but placing 'each' improves clarity.

× Umm, they kinda, they, they enjoyed it a lot.

✓ They really enjoyed it a lot.

The original contains filler words and repetitive pronouns ('they, they') which is a spoken disfluency rather than grammatical tense error. Replace informal fillers ('kinda') and remove repetition to form a clear sentence. Use 'really' as a natural emphatic adverb.

× So they are popular, uh, particularly in this area, uh uh, in the country.

✓ So they are popular, particularly in this area and across the country.

The present tense 'are popular' is appropriate for a general statement. The issue is clarity and redundancy with fillers ('uh'). Replace pauses with a conjunction ('and') to connect 'this area' and 'the country' and remove hesitation for a clear sentence.