Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and clear: start with a concise topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Use correct grammar (past tense) and reduce repetition. Link ideas with simple connectors (for example, “because,” “so,” “and”). Avoid unnecessary phrases like “Thank you.”

例: Yes, I had a small red bike when I was a child. It was a birthday gift from my father, and I used it every day to visit neighbors and play outside. Because I rode it so often, I became quite confident riding on busy streets.

提案: Give a clear main idea, then support it with two specific reasons. Use accurate collocations (e.g., “cheap mode of transport,” “rising fuel costs,” “short commutes”) and connect ideas with linking words like “because,” “therefore,” or “for example.” Keep sentences shorter and correct grammar (singular/plural, verb forms).

例: Yes, bicycles are very popular in my country because they are an affordable mode of transport. For example, rising fuel costs and heavy traffic make bikes more practical for short commutes to work or the market. They are also good for health and help reduce air pollution, so many people prefer them.

× Yes I had a small bike when I was a child, it was red in color and it is very helpful for me to stay here and there and go to the neighbors home.

✓ Yes, I had a small bike when I was a child. It was red and it was very helpful for me to go here and there and visit my neighbor's home.

The sentence mixes past and present tenses and has punctuation issues. Use past tense consistently ('was' and 'was very helpful'). Remove unnecessary phrase 'in color' and combine ideas into clearer clauses. Use 'visit my neighbor's home' instead of 'go to the neighbors home' and add possessive apostrophe. Also add commas and split into two sentences for clarity.

× That I spent more of time on my bike cycle and it was a gifted by my father on my birthday that I love it more.

✓ I spent most of my time on my bicycle, and it was a gift from my father on my birthday; I loved it very much.

This sentence has incorrect structure and word choice. Use 'I spent most of my time' instead of 'That I spent more of time'. Use 'bicycle' or 'bike' rather than 'bike cycle'. Use 'gift from my father' instead of 'a gifted by my father'. Keep tense consistent with past ('loved'). Replace 'that I love it more' with 'I loved it very much' for natural English.

× Yes, bike cycles are quite popular in my country, especially in urban and rural areas where they serve as a cheap and mode of transport.

✓ Yes, bicycles are quite popular in my country, especially in urban and rural areas where they serve as a cheap mode of transport.

Use the correct noun 'bicycles' (plural) rather than 'bike cycles'. Remove the unnecessary article 'a' before 'cheap' when followed by 'mode' — the correct phrase is 'a cheap mode' so keep 'a' before 'cheap' but remove the extra 'a' before 'mode' in the original. Also 'bike cycles' is redundant; 'bicycles' is natural.

× Increasing a traffic and rising a fuel cost have encouraged many people to choose a cycle for short commutes and visit to their friends and market and moreover for the health it promotes the health and environment benefit.

✓ Increasing traffic and rising fuel costs have encouraged many people to choose bicycles for short commutes, to visit friends and markets, and because cycling benefits health and the environment.

Several problems: incorrect articles ('a traffic', 'a fuel cost'), noun number ('costs'), awkward conjunctions and repetition. Use plural 'costs' and uncountable 'traffic' without 'a'. Use parallel structure for the list ('to choose..., to visit..., and because...'). Replace 'cycle' with 'bicycles' and clean up 'the health it promotes the health and environment benefit' to 'because cycling benefits health and the environment' for clarity and correctness.