Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more direct and past-tense consistent, reduce hesitations and finish the thought. Start with a clear topic sentence (Yes, I had a bike), then add one or two specific supporting details (where you rode, how often, a short memory). Use linking words (for example, because, so) and avoid filler words like "umm" and repetitions.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. I rode it almost every day to the nearby park because it was a safe place to practice, and I remember racing my friends there on weekends.

提案: Give a clear opinion first, then support it with specific, concise reasons. Avoid vague phrases and fillers. Use linking words like "however," "because," or "for example" to structure your response. Mention concrete trends or examples (e.g., more car use, urban cycling lanes, smartphone habits) to make your point convincing.

例: I think bikes were more popular in the past, but their use has declined recently because many people prefer staying at home using smartphones. For example, fewer families go to parks now, and more people commute by car or public transport instead of cycling.

× Yes, I actually do enjoy riding a bike by myself.

✓ Yes, I actually enjoyed riding a bike by myself.

The question asks about having a bike when you were a child (past). The student uses present tense 'do enjoy', which is inconsistent with the past time frame. Change to past tense 'enjoyed' to match the context. Suggestion: use past simple for habitual actions in the past (I enjoyed riding a bike).

× When I was young, umm, there was a park near my house so I, I usually umm, went to the park to ride a bike and I.

✓ When I was young, there was a park near my house, so I usually went to the park to ride my bike.

The original sentence is mostly past tense but is disfluent and ends incomplete with 'and I.' Remove the trailing fragment and use consistent past simple 'went' and possessive 'my bike' for clarity. Suggestion: avoid fillers and complete the sentence: 'so I usually went to the park to ride my bike.'

× Well, I said it was before, but not now 'cause, uh, recently many people, uh, tend to use their own smartphone at home instead of going outside and, and, you know, gathering outside yeah, things like that.

✓ Well, I would say they were popular before, but not now, because recently many people tend to use their smartphones at home instead of going outside and gathering together.

Multiple issues: tense consistency and word choice. 'I said it was before' is awkward; 'they were popular before' fits the examiner's question about bikes. 'Smartphone' should be plural 'smartphones' with 'their'. 'Gathering outside' is redundant; 'gathering together' is clearer. Also use 'because' instead of informal ''cause'. Suggestion: keep tense consistent and choose plural nouns for general groups: 'many people tend to use their smartphones at home instead of going outside and gathering together.'

× So they.

✓ So they don't go out often anymore.

The fragment 'So they.' is incomplete and lacks a verb and object. Complete the idea by specifying what 'they' do: 'they don't go out often anymore.' Suggestion: always finish clauses with a verb to convey the intended meaning; avoid sentence fragments.