Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Clarify and simplify the answer with a clear topic sentence, correct tense and word order, and avoid repetition. Keep it within 2–4 sentences: state when you got the bike, who gave it to you, the model or a brief description, and how you used it. Use linking words (e.g., and, so, therefore) to connect ideas and specific details (for example: year or age, purposes like commuting to school). Also correct grammar: “when I was in 10th class” → “when I was in tenth grade” or “when I was 15.”

例: I got a bike when I was in tenth grade; my father bought me a Splendor as a gift. It was comfortable and reliable, so I used it mainly to travel to school and tuition classes every day.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence, then support it with specific reasons and avoid vague or insensitive wording. Use neutral vocabulary (e.g., “many people cannot afford cars” rather than “people are poor”) and add a linking word to show cause (e.g., because, therefore). Include brief examples or statistics if possible. Keep it to 2–3 sentences and use a wider range of vocabulary (e.g., affordable, common, convenient).

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country because they are affordable and economical. For example, many students and working people prefer motorcycles for commuting since they are cheaper to buy and easier to park than cars.

× Yes, when I was in a 10th class I hadn't I was I was purchased my bike and my dad gifted me a Splendor bike, which is very comfortable and mostly when I when I have to go anywhere I use my bike for mostly I use it for my studies or my tuition classes.

✓ Yes, when I was in 10th grade I had just purchased a bike and my dad gifted me a Splendor, which is very comfortable; I mostly use it to go to my classes and tuition.

The sentence has multiple tense and structure problems. 'I hadn't I was I was purchased' is ungrammatical; the intended meaning is past action so use simple past or past perfect appropriately. Use 'had just purchased' or 'purchased' to indicate past purchase; here 'my dad gifted me' is simple past. Also simplify repeated phrases and use 'use it to go to' for purpose. Suggestion: plan the timeline (purchase/gift) and use clear past forms (purchased/gifted).

× Yes, when I was in a 10th class I hadn't I was I was purchased my bike and my dad gifted me a Splendor bike, which is very comfortable and mostly when I when I have to go anywhere I use my bike for mostly I use it for my studies or my tuition classes.

✓ Yes, when I was in 10th grade I had just purchased a bike and my dad gifted me a Splendor, which is very comfortable; I mostly use it to go to my classes and tuition.

Using 'a 10th class' is incorrect; English uses '10th grade' or 'the 10th class' depending on variety. Also repeating 'my bike' is unnecessary; use 'a Splendor' or 'a Splendor bike'. Suggestion: use articles correctly and avoid redundancy: 'in 10th grade' or 'in the 10th grade' and 'a Splendor'.

× which is very comfortable and mostly when I when I have to go anywhere I use my bike for mostly I use it for my studies or my tuition classes.

✓ which is very comfortable; I mostly use it to go anywhere, especially to my school and tuition classes.

Incorrect preposition and word order: use 'use it to go' rather than 'use my bike for' in this context. 'Use it for my studies' is vague; better 'to go to my classes'. Suggestion: use 'use it to' + verb for purpose and place modifiers after (e.g., 'to go to school').

× So mostly lower class people and moderate middle class people purchase bike and use it.

✓ So mostly lower-class and lower-middle-class people purchase bikes and use them.

Number agreement is wrong: 'purchase bike' should be 'purchase bikes' and 'use it' should be 'use them' when referring back to plural 'people' and 'bikes'. Also hyphenate compound class terms. Suggestion: match singular/plural across nouns and pronouns: plural subject -> plural object/pronoun.