Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammatical errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetitions and fillers (uh, I think). Use correct past tense and possessive constructions.

例: Yes. I had about five bicycles when I was a child. Two were gifts from my uncle, and my father bought the other three for me. I used them for fun and to get around the neighbourhood, especially during summer holidays.

提案: Provide a clear opinion sentence first, then support it with specific reasons and examples. Remove hesitation words and use linking words (because, however, for example). Use accurate vocabulary (petrol, electric scooters) and correct grammar.

例: Yes and no. Recently there has been a noticeable rise in bicycles and electric scooters because petrol prices have gone up. However, many petrol-powered motorcycles are still common, although fewer people use them daily. For example, I see more commuters cycling or using EV scooters to save money on fuel.

× Yes, I had a bike when I was a child and I had I think around 5 bicycles.

✓ Yes, I had a bike when I was a child, and I think I had around five bicycles.

The original sentence repeats 'had' awkwardly and has word order problems. Use past tense consistently and remove the extra 'I had' by placing 'I think' before 'I had' or after the clause. Also spell out small numbers in formal speech: 'five'.

× So two of them bought, uh, two of them was bought by my uncle and three I part by, uh, three of them, uh, my father part parted for me.

✓ Two of them were bought by my uncle, and the other three were paid for by my father.

The original has incorrect passive formation and repeated, confused words ('part', 'parted'). Use correct passive voice 'were bought' and the phrase 'paid for by' to indicate who paid. Also simplify to 'the other three' for clarity.

× Not right now after uh, the increase of the petrol prices.

✓ Not right now, after the increase in petrol prices.

Use the noun phrase 'the increase in petrol prices' rather than 'the increase of the petrol prices'. Also add a comma for clarity. The present context is correctly in present tense but the preposition with 'increase' was wrong.

× I think now there are a bit increase in umm uh, cycles and also in scooties, but uh, in EV scooties patrols, petrol bikes are still a lot, but they are not in use.

✓ I think there is a slight increase now in cycles and in electric scooters, but petrol bikes are still common even though they are used less.

Several issues: 'there are a bit increase' is incorrect — use 'there is a slight increase' (singular 'increase' requires 'is' and a proper modifier). 'Scooties' is informal and inconsistent; use 'electric scooters' for clarity. 'Patrols' seems to be a mistaken word; likely meant 'petrol' or 'petrol-powered' — clarified as 'petrol bikes'. 'Are still a lot' is ungrammatical; use 'are still common' and then contrast with 'used less' to express they exist but are not used as much.