Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clear, concise and relevant. Start with a direct topic sentence (Yes/No), correct key word errors (bike, not bite), avoid irrelevant or confusing details about ‘friends’ or ‘phones’, and give a short specific reason about finances or priorities. Use one or two supporting details and a linking word (because/so) to make it coherent. Keep answer under five sentences and remove hesitations (umm, oh).

例: No, I didn't have a bike when I was a child because my family couldn't afford one. As a result, I usually walked to school or used public transport, and I learned to be independent from a young age.

提案: Answer directly and politely, avoid repeating fillers and harsh phrasing like “we are so poor.” Give a specific reason and a brief example or comparison. Use linking words (because, so, therefore) and varied vocabulary (affordable, economical, common). Keep it natural and under five sentences.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country because they are affordable and economical. For example, many people use motorbikes for daily commuting since fuel and maintenance costs are lower than owning a car, especially in crowded cities.

× Umm no, I didn't have a bite when I was a child because umm, my family doesn't have a lot of friends. Oh no no no, my family doesn't have enough phones to buy 1 for me.

✓ Umm no, I didn't have a bike when I was a child because my family wasn't very wealthy. We didn't have enough money to buy one for me.

The original contains wrong word choice and several sentence-structure and tense problems. 'bite' is a spelling error for 'bike'. 'my family doesn't have a lot of friends' is irrelevant and likely intended to mean 'my family wasn't wealthy'; using present simple 'doesn't have' conflicts with 'when I was a child' so past tense is needed. 'doesn't have enough phones to buy 1 for me' is ungrammatical and semantically incorrect; the intended meaning is lack of money, so use 'didn't have enough money to buy one for me'. Also replace numerals with words in formal speech. Suggestion: correct spelling, match past-tense time frame, and use appropriate vocabulary ('wealthy' or 'money').

× Yes, bikes are very popular in my country because you know, my country is not that rich country.

✓ Yes, bikes are very popular in my country because, you know, my country is not that rich.

The phrase 'not that rich country' repeats 'country' unnecessarily and is awkward. Also punctuation around 'you know' helps flow. No third-person singular verb error here but the sentence is improved by removing redundancy and keeping descriptive adjective 'rich' after a linking verb. Ensure concise adjective use: 'my country is not that rich.'

× Umm that's why most of the people use bike instead of cars like other countries because most of us are so poor.

✓ Umm that's why most people use bikes instead of cars in my country, because many of us are poor.

The original has article and count noun errors: 'most of the people' is better as 'most people'; 'use bike' needs plural or an article ('use bikes' or 'use a bike'); 'instead of cars like other countries' is unclear—use 'instead of cars in my country' or 'unlike in richer countries'. Rephrase 'most of us are so poor' to 'many of us are poor' to be more natural and less exaggerated. Maintain present simple here because this is a general statement.