Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more fluent and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, reduce hesitations, correct grammar (use 'when I was young' and plural forms), and give one or two specific details. Use a linking word if you add a reason or example.

例: Yes, I did. When I was young I had several bikes, mostly in bright colors like pink and red. For example, my favorite was a small red bike with training wheels because it was easy to ride and stood out in the neighborhood.

提案: Answer directly with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition ("parents usually buy"), complete your reason, and add a specific supporting detail. Use a linking word like 'because' or 'for example' to connect the idea and finish the sentence.

例: Yes, I think bicycles are very popular in my country because many parents buy them as a first gift for their children. For example, schools and parks are full of youngsters riding bikes, and families often use bicycles for short trips to the market or playground.

× Sure, I, when I, when I was a young, I used to have a lot of uh, bikes such as, umm, pink or uh, red colors bikes.

✓ Sure. When I was young, I used to have a lot of bikes, such as pink or red ones.

The original sentence has disfluent repetitions and incorrect word order ('when I, when I was a young') and incorrect noun phrase 'red colors bikes'. This is a sentence structure problem (ID 26) and also touches article/word choice. To improve, remove repeated fragments, place the time clause at the start 'When I was young,' then the main clause 'I used to have a lot of bikes,' and use 'pink or red ones' to avoid repeating 'bikes.' Keep sentences concise and avoid filler words like 'uh' and 'umm.'

× Of course, I consider that bicycles are popular in my country because parents usually parents buy bicycles for their children and I think that bicycles help to.

✓ Of course. I think bicycles are popular in my country because parents usually buy bicycles for their children, and I think bicycles are helpful.

The original sentence repeats 'parents' and ends abruptly 'help to.' This is an incorrect use/repetition of nouns/pronouns (ID 12) and a sentence structure issue. Remove the duplicate word 'parents', complete the verb phrase by using 'are helpful' or 'help children to ...' depending on meaning. Also split into clearer clauses with appropriate punctuation. Avoid trailing prepositions without an object.