Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar and clarity: use correct verb forms (e.g., 'Yes, I did have a bike'), make a clear topic sentence, and avoid irrelevant or mixed details. Keep answers concise (max 4–5 sentences). Add one or two specific supporting details and a linking word to connect ideas (e.g., 'However', 'So', 'When').

例: Yes, I did have a bike when I was a child. It was a small red bicycle that my mother bought for me when I was six. I enjoyed riding it around the neighborhood every afternoon, but when I turned eight she gave it to my cousin because I had grown out of it.

提案: Give a clear opinion in the topic sentence and support it with two specific reasons using linking words. Avoid filler words and incomplete thoughts. Use precise vocabulary (e.g., 'unsafe', 'traffic', 'infrastructure') and provide a brief example or contrast.

例: Not really; bikes are becoming less popular in my country. Mainly, heavy car traffic and poor cycling infrastructure make riding unsafe for both children and adults. For example, there are few bike lanes in my city, so most people prefer to drive or take public transport.

× Yes I did had a bike when I was a child and I forgot the time that my mother bought it and I really like that bag, that bike but my mother sent it to my cousin when I was 8 years old and I.

✓ Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. I don't remember when my mother bought it, and I really liked that bike, but my mother gave it to my cousin when I was eight years old.

The sentence incorrectly uses 'did had' — after 'did' the base form of the verb should be used, so 'did have' or simply 'had' is correct. Tense consistency: the student speaks about the past, so use past tense verbs ('had', 'didn't remember' or 'don't remember' depending on intended meaning; here 'I don't remember' can be used for present lack of memory but to keep past context 'I don't remember' is acceptable). 'Like' should be past 'liked' to match the past timeframe. 'Sent it to my cousin' is grammatically possible but 'gave it to my cousin' is more natural. Also the original ends abruptly; the corrected version splits into clear sentences and uses commas and conjunctions properly. Suggestion: Use simple past forms for past events (I had, I liked, my mother gave) and avoid 'did' + past participle — use 'did' + base verb or just the simple past form.

× Not actually because there's a lot of cars on the street and the bike is not really safe for the kids of adults to ride.

✓ Not really, because there are a lot of cars on the streets and bikes are not very safe for children or adults to ride.

Problems: 'Not actually' is awkward; 'Not really' is more natural. 'There's a lot of cars' mixes singular contraction 'there's' with plural 'cars' — use 'there are a lot of cars'. 'On the street' can be pluralized to 'on the streets' for general statement. 'The bike is not really safe' should be plural 'bikes are not very safe' when speaking generally. 'Kids of adults' is incorrect preposition/phrase; use 'children or adults' or 'kids or adults'. Suggestion: For general statements use plural nouns and 'there are' with plural subjects, and use correct prepositions/phrasing for groups.

× And uh, what is the football bike which is popular now and the we let's.

✓ Also, what about the 'football bike' that is popular now?

The original is fragmented and ungrammatical: 'And uh, what is the football bike which is popular now and the we let's.' has incomplete clauses and pronoun errors. I've rewritten it into a clear question 'what about the "football bike" that is popular now?' If the speaker intended to ask what it is, use 'What is the "football bike" that is popular now?' If they intended to comment, use 'There is a "football bike" that is popular now.' Suggestion: Avoid filler words, complete the clause with a subject and verb, and choose a clear structure for questions (What is X?) or statements (There is X).