Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct grammatical errors, avoid repetition, and add one specific supporting detail. Use linking words to connect ideas (e.g., “because,” “so,” “and”). Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I did. My father bought me a small bicycle when I was six because he wanted me to become independent, and I practiced riding it every afternoon until I felt confident.

提案: Make the answer more fluent and specific. Begin with a direct statement, remove fillers (uh, like), fix grammar (e.g., ‘more convenient than cars’), and give one concrete reason or example. Use a linking word such as “because” or “so” to connect cause and effect.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in Tokyo because traffic is heavy and many people find cycling faster and more convenient for short trips, such as going to the supermarket or commuting to work.

× When I was a kid, my dad got me a bike because he wanted me to learn how to teach myself independently.

✓ When I was a kid, my dad got me a bike because he wanted me to learn to take care of myself independently.

The phrase 'learn how to teach myself' is incorrect and redundant. 'Teach myself' implies instructing oneself; here the intended meaning is learning to be independent or take care of oneself. Use the infinitive 'learn to' plus a suitable verb phrase ('take care of myself') rather than 'learn how to teach myself.' This makes the sentence clearer and grammatically correct. Suggestion: Use 'learn to' + base verb for acquiring a skill (e.g., 'learn to ride a bike', 'learn to take care of myself').

× So I got back and I was practicing how to use how to ride a bike every day when I was a kid.

✓ So I went back and practiced how to ride a bike every day when I was a kid.

This sentence has multiple issues: 'got back' is awkward here; 'went back' or simply 'then' is better. 'Was practicing' is a past continuous that can be simplified to simple past 'practiced' since daily repeated actions in the past use simple past. Also 'practicing how to use how to ride a bike' is ungrammatical and redundant—'practiced how to ride a bike' is correct. Suggestion: Use simple past for habitual past actions and avoid redundant phrases (remove the extra 'how to use').

× Yes, I think so because in Japan, uh, I was living in Tokyo, but because there are like lots of traffic, so people just prefer using bike to go to shopping or something because it's like a more convenient than car.

✓ Yes, I think so because in Japan, I lived in Tokyo, and because there is a lot of traffic, people prefer using bikes to go shopping because it's more convenient than a car.

Several tense and agreement issues: 'I was living in Tokyo' can be simplified to simple past 'I lived in Tokyo' for a past state. 'There are like lots of traffic' is wrong: 'traffic' is uncountable, so use 'there is a lot of traffic.' 'Prefer using bike' needs plural or article: 'prefer using bikes' or 'prefer to use a bike.' 'To go to shopping' should be 'to go shopping.' 'It's like a more convenient than car' has extra filler 'like' and article errors: use 'it's more convenient than a car.' Suggestions: Use correct verb tense for past states, match countability ('traffic' with 'a lot of'), pluralize 'bikes' or use an article, and remove filler words like 'like.'