Headphones— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more direct and relevant. Start with a clear topic sentence stating whether you use headphones, then give one or two concise reasons with specific detail. Avoid vague or unrelated statements (e.g., “everybody should have the right to”). Keep to 1–3 sentences and use linking words if needed.

例: Yes, I use headphones regularly. I wear them when commuting and studying because they block out noise and help me concentrate.

提案: Produce a clear topic sentence naming the type, then give one or two specific benefits with coherent linking. Avoid repetition and clarify awkward phrases (e.g., ‘‘makes what the speaker says clearly clear’’). Use precise vocabulary like ‘sound clarity’ or ‘strong bass’ and keep it concise.

例: I prefer noise-cancelling over-ear headphones. They help reduce background noise in public and provide clear sound and strong bass, which makes listening to lectures and music more enjoyable.

提案: Begin with a direct statement listing typical situations, then give one specific reason for each. Avoid filler phrases and unclear clauses. Use linking words like ‘also’ and ‘for example’ to connect ideas and be concise (maximum 3–4 sentences).

例: I usually use headphones when I’m commuting, studying, or doing household chores. For example, they let me focus on lectures while studying and play music during chores without disturbing others.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence about when you would avoid headphones, then explain the reason clearly with correct vocabulary. Avoid incorrect or confusing words (e.g., ‘hear drum issues’, ‘I need my hairs’). Use terms like ‘ear health’ or ‘hearing problems’ and one supporting detail or precaution.

例: I wouldn’t use headphones if I notice ear pain or reduced hearing, because prolonged use can damage my hearing. In that case I prefer using speakers or keeping volume low to protect my ears.

提案: Provide a clear balanced response: state generally whether comfortable, then give specific conditions that affect comfort. Correct word choice (e.g., ‘task’ not ‘tax’), and use linking words like ‘however’ or ‘for example’. Keep it to 2–3 concise sentences.

例: It depends — sometimes headphones are comfortable, but they can be uncomfortable if they’re too tight or heavy. For example, when I study for long periods I prefer lightweight, cushioned headphones to avoid discomfort.

× Yes I do. I use headphones a lot because I feel like everybody should have the right to.

✓ Yes, I do. I use headphones a lot because I feel like everybody should have the right to use them.

The sentence ends with a preposition 'to' without an object, making the pronoun reference unclear. Adding 'use them' clarifies the action and refers back to 'headphones'. Also add a comma after 'Yes' for natural speech punctuation.

× I I love to use noise cancelling headphones because it helps most times when I'm in public and even sometimes when I use them to study it as a very good bass that makes what the speaker says clearly clear to me.

✓ I love to use noise-cancelling headphones because they help most of the time when I'm in public, and even when I use them to study they have very good bass that makes what the speaker says clear to me.

Multiple errors: 'I I' is a repetition; 'noise cancelling' should be hyphenated as 'noise-cancelling' when used as a compound adjective. 'It helps' is incorrect because the subject 'headphones' is plural, so use 'they help' (third person plural). 'Most times' is better as 'most of the time'. 'It as a very good bass' is ungrammatical; headphones 'have very good bass' and 'makes what the speaker says clearly clear' is redundant; 'clear' alone is correct. Commas added for clarity.

× I would use headphones when I'm in public and I would also use them when I'm studying and sometimes when I'm doing house chores because playing that's going to help me play music.

✓ I would use headphones when I'm in public, and I would also use them when I'm studying, and sometimes when I'm doing house chores because that helps me listen to music.

The phrase 'playing that's going to help me play music' is awkward and repeats 'play'. Replace with 'that helps me listen to music'. Use commas to separate clauses. The gerund 'doing house chores' is fine; the problem was wording and redundant verbs.

× And you know, we don't want to distract other people from their daily life because of me.

✓ And you know, I don't want to distract other people from their daily lives because of me.

Pronoun mismatch: speaker should use 'I' not 'we' since referring to their own action. 'Daily life' should be pluralized to 'daily lives' when referring to other people. Also 'because of me' is acceptable but 'because of what I do' is more natural; kept minimal change.

× I won't use headphones if I realize that I tend to have hear drum issues from using them, so I'll prevent that because I need my hairs.

✓ I won't use headphones if I realize that I tend to have eardrum problems from using them, so I'll avoid that because I need my hearing.

Multiple errors: 'hear drum' should be 'eardrum'; 'have ... issues' better 'have eardrum problems'. 'I'll prevent that' is unnatural; use 'I'll avoid that'. 'I need my hairs' is incorrect—likely meant 'I need my hearing'. Adjusted vocabulary and verb forms to convey intended meaning.

× Sometimes they feel comfortable but mostly it's uncomfortable depending on what tax you doing at the moment.

✓ Sometimes they feel comfortable, but mostly they're uncomfortable depending on what task you are doing at the moment.

Typo 'tax' should be 'task'. 'It's uncomfortable' refers to 'headphones' (plural), so use 'they're uncomfortable' or rephrase. 'You doing' needs auxiliary 'are': 'you are doing'. Added comma for clarity.

× For instance, if I'm studying I wouldn't want headphones to be too tight on my ears and uncomfortable.

✓ For instance, if I'm studying, I wouldn't want the headphones to be too tight on my ears or uncomfortable.

Add definite article 'the' before 'headphones' for specificity. Use 'or' rather than 'and' to connect two undesirable qualities. Add comma after introductory clause.