Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Avoid awkward phrases like "make free relax" and repeat words. Use precise vocabulary (e.g., "uplifting" or "energetic").

例: I prefer happy music because it feels uplifting and puts me in a good mood. For example, upbeat pop songs help me feel energized in the morning and more positive throughout the day.

提案: Answer directly and avoid fillers. Give a specific reason and an example using linking words like "because" and "for example." Clarify awkward phrases (e.g., "living like atmosphere"). Keep it to 1–2 sentences for clarity.

例: Yes, it does because upbeat music creates a lively atmosphere that boosts my energy. For example, when my friends and I play pop songs at gatherings, everyone feels more cheerful and enthusiastic.

提案: Give a concise direct response and explain clearly why you haven't taken classes. Use correct grammar for tenses and possessives. Provide a brief supporting detail relevant to the question, and avoid mixing past and present incorrectly.

例: No, I haven't taken formal music classes because my university program focuses on visual art rather than music. However, I listen to music daily on public transport to relax and stay focused.

提案: Make the answer more coherent and use correct tense. Start with a clear topic sentence, then specify which activities and what kinds of music, using linking words like "for example". Use precise vocabulary (e.g., "classical piano" rather than "Bible music" which is unclear).

例: Yes, I often listen to music while studying, especially when I'm doing science or medical readings. For example, I play soft piano or instrumental tracks because they help me concentrate without being distracting.

× I really love happy music because it can provide more positive energy and then make free relax.

✓ I really love happy music because it can provide more positive energy and help me relax.

The original uses 'make free relax' which is ungrammatical. This is a sentence structure and verb form error: 'make' + object + base verb requires an object (e.g., 'make me relax') or use 'help' + object + base verb ('help me relax'). Also 'free relax' is incorrect collocation. Use 'help me relax' to express becoming relaxed. Keep present tense to match the general preference.

× Yes, absolutely, because music offers a more positive feeling and creative uh, living like atmosphere with my friend or family and then we can usually listen to music umm by.

✓ Yes, absolutely, because music creates a positive, creative, lively atmosphere with my friends or family, and we can usually listen to music together.

Problems: 'offers a more positive feeling' is awkward—'creates a positive feeling' is better. 'creative uh, living like atmosphere' is ungrammatical and should be 'creative, lively atmosphere.' 'friend or family' needs plural 'friends or family.' The sentence ends with 'listen to music umm by' which is incomplete; use 'listen to music together.' This fixes article/word choice and sentence structure issues.

× Not really because I'm my major is art major so I couldn't listen any music classes but I listen to music every day when I was using public transportation.

✓ Not really, because my major is art, so I couldn't take music classes, but I listened to music every day when I was using public transportation.

Multiple issues: 'I'm my major is art major' is redundant and ungrammatical—use 'my major is art.' 'Couldn't listen any music classes' is wrong: use 'couldn't take music classes' or 'couldn't attend music classes' (verb and article). Tense consistency: question asked about past experience of classes, so use past tense 'couldn't' and 'listened' for habitual past action on transportation. 'Listen to music every day when I was using public transportation' -> 'listened to music every day when I was using public transportation.'

× Yes, sometimes be when I was studied like physical, medical or science.

✓ Yes, sometimes when I was studying subjects like physics, medicine, or science, I did.

Original has 'be when I was studied' which is ungrammatical. Use past progressive 'when I was studying' to describe ongoing action in the past. Also 'physical' likely intended 'physics'; 'medical' should be 'medicine' or 'medical subjects.' Keep consistent noun forms and place the adverb 'sometimes' appropriately.

× I usually listen to music like piano, Bible music, not noisy music. I prefer umm relaxing.

✓ I usually listen to music such as piano or religious music, not noisy music. I prefer relaxing music.

'Like piano, Bible music' is awkward; use 'such as piano or religious music.' 'Bible music' is odd phrasing; 'religious music' is clearer. 'I prefer umm relaxing' lacks a noun—use 'I prefer relaxing music.' This fixes article/word choice and adjective/noun use.