Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more fluent and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (uh), correct grammar (e.g., 'music' is uncountable), and add one specific example or reason. Use one or two linking words to connect ideas.

例: I prefer happy music because it lifts my mood and helps me recover after a hard day. For example, upbeat pop or dance tracks give me energy and help me feel more positive and motivated.

提案: Answer directly and clearly, avoid hesitation and complete your thought. Use correct verb forms (e.g., 'releases' not 'release') and explain briefly how it affects you with one supporting detail. Keep it to 1–3 sentences.

例: Yes, it does. Happy music makes my body release endorphins, so I feel more energetic and lively, especially when I listen to fast rhythms or catchy melodies.

提案: Give a clear, grammatically correct reason and add a brief supporting detail. Use correct subject-verb agreement ('the government doesn't pay attention') and avoid fillers. One sentence for the main answer and one for a specific example is enough.

例: No, I haven't taken any music classes because music education is not very common where I live. The government doesn't fund school music programs, so there are few formal lessons available.

提案: Respond succinctly with a clear topic sentence, reduce repetition and fillers, and use natural collocations ('doing work', 'stays focused'). Provide one specific example of when it helps you concentrate or motivates you.

例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing work because it helps me stay motivated and focused. For instance, I play instrumental or lo-fi tracks when studying, which makes it easier to concentrate for long periods.

× I prefer happy music because it, uh, gives me feeling better and uh, after a hard day, I can listen happy music and uh, I can get more energy from these kinds of musics and it's better for me.

✓ I prefer happy music because it makes me feel better, and after a hard day I can listen to happy music to get more energy; it's better for me.

Errors: 'gives me feeling better' is ungrammatical — use 'makes me feel better' (verb + object + bare infinitive). 'Listen happy music' lacks the preposition 'to' (preposition error, ID 11). 'These kinds of musics' is wrong: 'music' is uncountable, so use 'this kind of music' or just 'this music' (singular/uncountable issue, ID 1). Suggested improvement: use correct verb collocation 'makes me feel', include 'to' after 'listen', and treat 'music' as uncountable (no plural 'musics'). Keep commas out of disfluencies and simplify sentence structure for clarity.

× Yes uh, it does because I think uh, my body uh, release more uh, hormones and uh it cause uh, it causes uh, my body be uh, more activity and umm uh, my.

✓ Yes, it does, because I think my body releases more hormones and this causes my body to be more active.

Errors: 'my body release' and 'it cause' are subject-verb agreement errors — singular subject requires third person singular verb 'releases' and 'causes' (ID 27 and 2). 'My body be more activity' uses incorrect verb form and noun/adjective choice: use the infinitive 'to be' and the adjective 'active' not the noun 'activity' (verb/participle and adjective use, IDs 9/13). Also remove trailing incomplete fragment. Suggested improvement: use correct third-person verbs, 'to be' + adjective, and complete the sentence logically.

× No, I haven't taken any music classes because uh it's not very popular in my country and government don't attention to uh music and dance in my country.

✓ No, I haven't taken any music classes because they are not very popular in my country and the government doesn't pay attention to music and dance.

Errors: 'it's not very popular' mismatches plural 'music classes' — better to refer to 'they' or 'music classes' (singular/plural issue, ID 1). 'Government don't attention to' has multiple errors: 'government' as singular needs 'doesn't' (third person singular, ID 2/27) and 'attention to' requires the verb 'pay' as collocation: 'pay attention to' (incorrect verb/preposition usage, ID 11). Suggested improvement: use 'they are' or rephrase to 'they are not very popular', use 'the government doesn't pay attention to', and avoid redundancies.

× Yes, I do because, uh, when I, uh, when I'm doing works, uh, it gives me a more motivation for uh, to my works best and uh, I can, I can more concentrate on my jobs, uh.

✓ Yes, I do, because when I'm working it gives me more motivation to do my work well, and I can concentrate better on my tasks.

Errors: 'doing works' is incorrect — use 'working' or 'doing work' (verb+ -ing form and noun choice, IDs 8/13). 'A more motivation' should be 'more motivation' or 'greater motivation' (article/quantifier error, IDs 22/14). 'For to my works best' is ungrammatical; use 'to do my work well' (infinitive and word order, IDs 26/8). 'I can more concentrate' is wrong adverb placement — 'concentrate better' (adverb placement, ID 20). Suggested improvement: use 'working', 'more motivation', 'do my work well', and place adverbs after the verb or use comparative adverb 'better'.