Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid redundancy (e.g., repeating when you listen). Also correct small errors: say "when I wake up" and "sing slow songs" or "relax with slow songs."

例: I prefer happy music because it makes me feel energetic and positive. For example, I usually play upbeat pop in the morning to wake up and boost my mood, but I sometimes choose slow, sad songs in the evening to relax.

提案: Begin with a direct topic sentence, then provide one clear reason with a linking word. Avoid repeating phrases ("walking around or...walking"). Use natural collocations like "boost my energy" or "improve my focus."

例: Definitely. Happy music boosts my energy, so when I exercise or walk I feel more motivated. As a result, I can concentrate better on tasks afterward.

提案: Make the answer grammatically correct and clearer. Start with a direct response ("Yes, I took vocal lessons as a child"), then give a specific effect of the lessons using linking words. Remove filler words like "uh" and "umm."

例: Yes, I took vocal lessons as a child. Those lessons helped me develop my voice and learn how to express emotions, so singing became a useful way to release stress.

提案: Answer directly and coherently. Start with a clear yes/no and a topic sentence (e.g., "Yes, I often listen to music while hiking"). Use linking words to add one or two specific details and avoid exaggerated/unclear phrases. Correct grammar: "sad music", "while hiking in the mountains", "it makes my world brighter."

例: Yes, I often listen to music while hiking or walking in the forest. I usually choose sad, reflective songs during long hikes because they help me feel calm and make the scenery seem more vivid.

× I prefer happy music because it helps me feel energetic and positive and then listen to it when I'm exercising or working.

✓ I prefer happy music because it helps me feel energetic and positive, and I listen to it when I'm exercising or working.

Run-on coordination and missing subject for second clause: the original joins two actions without repeating the subject or using proper conjunction punctuation. Use 'and I listen' to supply the subject and make verbs parallel. Keep present tense for habits.

× For example, I often play upbeat pop songs in the morning wake up, but sometimes I choose slow and sad songs when I want to relax or sing.

✓ For example, I often play upbeat pop songs when I wake up in the morning, but sometimes I choose slow, sad songs when I want to relax or sing.

Incorrect phrase 'in the morning wake up' should be 'when I wake up in the morning' (correct prepositional/temporal expression). Also add comma between adjectives 'slow, sad' for clarity.

× When I'm walking around or exercising or walking, I prefer to listen to happy music because it makes me very excited and fulfills my mental energy so I can easily concentrate and focus on my work.

✓ When I'm walking around or exercising, I prefer to listen to happy music because it excites me and boosts my mental energy so I can concentrate on my work.

Repeating 'walking' is redundant; remove duplicate. 'Makes me very excited and fulfills my mental energy' is awkward: use 'excites me and boosts my mental energy'. Also 'concentrate and focus' is repetitive; use one verb. Maintain present continuous and simple present for habitual effect.

× I used to, and when I was a child, I was thinking about trying myself in the music sphere and, uh, I was hitting vocal lessons and it really helped me to express my feelings.

✓ I did. When I was a child, I thought about trying myself in music, and I took vocal lessons, which really helped me express my feelings.

'I used to' alone is unclear; 'I did' answers the question. 'Was thinking' is past progressive but not needed; use simple past 'thought'. 'Trying myself in the music sphere' is unnatural; use 'trying myself in music'. 'I was hitting vocal lessons' is incorrect collocation and tense: use 'I took vocal lessons'. 'Helped me to express' can be 'helped me express'.

× It's just, umm, let the energy out.

✓ It just let the energy out.

Fragment with incorrect tense and structure: 'It's just, let the energy out' mixes present 'it's' with infinitive. In context past action, use 'It just let the energy out' or rephrase 'It just helped me let the energy out.' Maintain consistency with previous sentence's past tense.

× That's something when I'm walking in the forest and I like it very much because, uh, listen to sad musics in the forest or uh, during hiking the mountains, It's the best feeling of all my entire life that I could feel and it's, it makes my world more bright.

✓ I like listening to sad music when I'm walking in the forest or hiking in the mountains; it's one of the best feelings I've ever had and it makes my world brighter.

Multiple issues: 'That's something when' is unnatural; rephrase to 'I like listening...'. 'Listen to sad musics' has wrong verb form and plural 'musics'—'music' is uncountable. Use 'listening to sad music'. 'During hiking the mountains' should be 'hiking in the mountains'. Capitalization error 'It's' mid-sentence fixed. 'The best feeling of all my entire life that I could feel' is awkward; use 'one of the best feelings I've ever had'. 'More bright' should be 'brighter' (adjective comparative).